YOGI BEAR: The Horror. The Horror.

I consider myself a pretty optimistic guy when it comes to films. There is rarely a film I would out-and-out hate. I'm the kind of guy who will defend The Phantom Menace when I have no leg to stand on and I'm outnumbered. But there is one film I would gladly join the angry mob storming Warner Bros. Pictures for. That movie is Yogi Bear.


Still here? SERIOUSLY?! FOR REAL?! Dang it. Now I gotta move on.

This film is a slap in the face to everyone that has ever enjoyed a "Yogi Bear" cartoon. I mean, who (Shut Up) doesn't love the ORIGINAL "Yogi Bear"? 

Yogi and Boo Boo are two mischievous bears living in the wilderness known as Jellystone Park, happy and free. They spend their time inventing new schemes to take tourists' picnic baskets. But because the lifeless jerk of a Mayor (which begs the question, WHERE IS JELLYSTONE?) wants to run for Governor, he has to find more funds for the city; seeing as he blew it all on his campaign. So he decides he's gonna tear down Jellystone Park and sell off the land to logging companies. In a movie for children. Do they get it? No. Do you get it? Moving on.

If this was taken from a scene in one of the Scary Movie films, I'd be laughing. But I'm not.

At the same time, a nature-loving filmmaker arrives to Jellystone. Her name is Rachel played by the usually funny Anna Faris. She meets with Ranger Smith played by where-the-heck-did-they-get-this-piece-of-wooden-acting Tom Cavanagh (who looks or sounds nothing like the original Ranger Smith). She wants to make a film detailing the all the creatures that live in Jellystone Park. And who better than the park's two most impish inhabitants? I'm asking the question, who better? Seriously. Anybody?

I am disappointed. You two know better. Now stop enjoying it.

Let me take a minute to introduce our voice actors. Dan Aykroyd and Justin "Hometown Hero" Timberlake. Sounds great in theory, right? Hahaha... WRONG!! It hurts me to say these things about these two fine gentlemen! They're both wonderful actors! I'm sure they had a genuine love of the series, but they could not have read the script to this film and thought, "This is great! I'm so glad I did this! What a good career move!" NO! WRONG! AGAIN! Aykroyd! GHOSTBUSTERS III! NOW!

So, Yogi and Boo Boo are put in charge of taking footage of their forest wildlife (which we don't see much of and basically is a waste of a plot device until later in the film). Ranger Smith and Rachel are told about the Mayor's plot to get rid of Jellystone and decide to raise the money for the park by holding a 100th Anniversary party and get more people to sign lifetime memberships. However, the Mayor (Andrew Daly) corrupts one of Smith's own, Ranger Jones (T.J. Miller) - who has got to be one of the stupidest people on Earth - by telling him once Jellystone is shut down he will make him Head Ranger. Like that makes any sense; to kids or adults.
The film is full of big insults to filmgoers (even more so than Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, which somehow manages to do everything a movie is NOT SUPPOSED to do). Among the most offensive is the worst use of the famous Wilhelm scream. What's that? You've never heard of the Wilhelm scream? Surely, you jest! It's been a part of a lot of famous movies from Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Toy Story, Reservoir-- oh, for crying out loud...

THERE! Now, the scene starts with Yogi getting in trouble with Ranger Smith (a classic scenario from the original show). He tries to get away and smacks himself right into a tree. THEN - a pinecone falls on his eye. A pinecone. He screams the Wilhelm scream. Inexcusable. Unforgivable. How could it get any worse? It can. Just don't ask why. Yogi and Boo Boo decide that they too want to help save Jellystone. They decide to put together a little dance number. These two characters - characters that have been around since 1958 - start dancing to Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back". My jaw was at the floor. Later they decide they want to dance to one of my most beloved songs, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'". At this point, I screamed something at my TV that I don't really want to repeat for mixed company could possibly be reading.


So there you have it. Unnecessary pop culture references, the worst use of a famous sound effect in history and actors that are clearly doing the film for a paycheck. Warner Bros. Pictures presents A Eric Brevig Film Dan Aykroyd Justin Timberlake Yogi Bear. Exits to your left. Feel drained? Yeah. Feel ticked off? OH YEAH. Wish this was the real ending? ME TOO.