HALLOWEEN (2018): The Shape Awakens

NOTE: SPOILERS have come to your little town, Sheriff.

In 1978, horror in pop culture was given a new face in Michael Myers, the masked madman of John Carpenter’s Halloween. The film took the yearly night of trick-or-treating for candy and threw a murderer in the middle of it. Shot under guerrilla measures, the film was an unexpected smash hit that launched the careers of both director/co-writer/composer John Carpenter as well as lead actress Jamie Lee Curtis who played Laurie Strode. Carpenter returned to write Halloween II and Curtis reprised her role as Laurie and while the film was well-received for the most part, it did not make as much money as the original. While many fans acknowledge that the film has its thrills, it comes to mind as a quickly-made sequel, unremarkable except for establishing a familial link between predator and prey: Michael Myers and Laurie Strode are in fact brother and sister.

Unfortunately, the franchise would only get more convoluted from here. The producers of the series decided to turn the Halloween title into an anthology brand with Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which does not have anything to do with Michael Myers. Most audiences were confused by the lack of connection with the previous films and denounced it upon release; though today it has since gotten some level of approval from fans. Heeding the call of the box office, 10 years after his initial appearance, the Shape returned in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. This launched a new trilogy of films where it is established that Laurie Strode was killed in a car accident and left behind a daughter named Jamie. Through muddled plotlines and exposition, the idea of a cult being behind the murderous mind of Michael Myers and the possibility of such a thing being able to be passed down is brought forward and by the sixth film, The Curse of Michael Myers, was flat-lined.

20 years after the original film, Jamie Lee Curtis returned to the role of Laurie Strode in Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. This film established a new continuity in which following Halloween II, Laurie faked her death in that car accident, had a son named John instead of a daughter named Jamie, and moved to California. That, of course, would not stop Michael Myers and a deadly confrontation eventually ensues with Laurie finally beheading the Shape once and for all. As this film made more money than any of the other previous Halloween films, the producers of the franchise could not leave well enough alone and proceeded on a sequel to this film, Halloween: Resurrection. In this film, the ending of H20 is recapped and it is revealed that Michael had switched places (and clothes) with an innocent paramedic and that is who Laurie Strode killed. As a result, she is put into an insane asylum where she spends her days awaiting the day that the real Michael Myers will come back. Lo and behold, he does and she is able to get the drop on him via a pulley system she came up with on the roof of the asylum. But she has to be sure that this masked Shape is actually Michael. This turns out to be a fatal mistake as Michael is able to wrangle his out of the trap and stabs Laurie. His long-term nemesis finally deceased, Michael returns to his Haddonfield home only to find that Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks have taken it over for a reality show with teenagers spending a night in the Myers house. Like any reasonable person would in this situation, Michael begins a brutal killing spree. After Resurrection, a remake of the original Halloween and its sequel followed – both directed by Rob Zombie. Critics largely derided these films for being torturous beyond just horror. One positive element that was highlighted was the performance of Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Samuel Loomis, Michael’s psychiatrist, taking over for Donald Pleasance (who appeared in Halloween 1-2, 4-6). A third film, Halloween 3D, was planned for release in 2012, but ultimately production never moved forward.

The rights of the franchise soon fell into the hands of Jason Blum, the head of Blumhouse, who produce such horror films as Insidious, Paranormal Activity and the Academy Award-winning Get Out. Blum, who had previously learned the lesson of not straying away from the source material with the box office flop Jem and the Holograms, decided the film would not be any good without getting the approval of original director John Carpenter. Carpenter, who had previously seen his earlier work like Assault on Precinct 13 and The Fog remade to dismal results, was quite disinterested with Blum's efforts to impress until Blum declared that he would step away from the film if Carpenter did not approve. He also warned that Universal Pictures was going to make the movie with or without him, so it would be nothing but beneficial if he was involved. Taken with Blum's smooth salesmanship, he not only agreed to be creative consultant to the project but also to return as composer (with his son Cody and his godson Daniel Davies). Blum recruited David Gordon Green and Danny McBride, who had previously worked together on comedies like Pineapple Express and Your Highness to bring the new Halloween to life. Coming up with a new concept involving erasing all continuity but the original 1978 film, the two set about to bring back Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode. Curtis was initially skeptical of returning but after a phone call from Jake Gyllenhaal, Curtis’ unofficial godson and star of Green’s previous film Stronger, she was back onboard.



40 years after the babysitter murders of Haddonfield, Illinois, psychotic murderer Michael Myers is about to be transferred from the county prison to a maximum penitentiary where he will spend the rest of his days. Two podcasters from England arrive the day before his transfer to attempt to interview him regarding his actions. Getting nothing out of him, they decide to track down Laurie Strode, his sole survivor. However, Laurie has become a reclusive survivalist and other than offering vague warnings, she too has nothing to say. In the process of transfer, the prisoner bus crashes and Michael escapes. He first goes after the podcasters who taunted him with his own mask and sets out for Haddonfield. Laurie learns of the crash and tries to convince her estranged family – including daughter Karen (Judy Greer) and granddaughter Allyson (Andi Matichak) – that it is no longer safe with Michael wandering the streets. The only place that is safe is her stronghold that Laurie has tricked out with all sorts of gadgets and weaponry to prepare herself for the increasingly inevitable confrontation 40 years in the waiting.

I am not a horror film fan by far, but I do have respect for the classics ala Psycho and The Shining. I have since come to a respect of the original Halloween by John Carpenter whose work I admire. Through watching Brad “The Cinema Snob” Jones’ reviews of the franchise, I was brought up to speed on the history of the Halloween franchise that I tried my best to summarize as briefly as possible above. What helps this film immensely is the erasing of all the previous continuity – just get rid of everything that does not matter and focus on the simplicity of Laurie Strode’s story. The nightmare she has long feared is now coming true – the Shape is back. Everything in the film that revolves around her is very well done. Everything else that does not have Jamie Lee Curtis is a watered down retread of the first film, right down to shot recreations which border from okay to unnecessary. The teen elements of the film aggravated me the most. It just screams of corporate executives filling the movie with things they hope the “young people” will like.

The ancillary characters – ranging from the podcasters to the annoying adolescents – are merely here for Michael to slaughter. You do not feel anything for them at all. Granted, Laurie’s friends in the original film are not given the most dignified deaths but at least you got to know them. Young Allyson’s friends are largely grating and you are just sitting there waiting for Michael to stab them. There is a minor twist involving Michael’s new psychiatrist wanting him to fight Laurie again so he can study how 40 years between confrontations can change people. It is established and then tossed away within a matter of minutes.

But the element of the film that everyone is the most interested in – the sole reason the movie exists in the first place – is Jamie Lee Curtis returning to the role that began her career. Curtis has made no secret that despite her gratitude to Halloween and other horror films in her early life, she much prefers making anything but horror movies. However, she is actually given a role of substance here where the hunted become the hunter. She takes on a very Sarah Connor Terminator 2 vibe in this film that is very welcome to see. Scenes I enjoyed the most involved Laurie driving around in her pickup truck listening to police scanners, trying to track Michael down. The movie also does not shy away from the negative aspects of her life – the fact that she very clearly projected her fears onto her daughter from a young age and alienated her as an adult.

All in all, Halloween (the third film in this series with the exact same title) is best when it is doing its own new thing as opposed to what we have already seen before. Jamie Lee Curtis delivers one of her strongest performances to date and John Carpenter returns to compose a fitting score to the film, revamping his original themes. However, the film is dragged down by the additions of unnecessary and grating characters with little to no likability or influence on the plot. The triumphant ending leaves little indication that Michael could return but as this franchise has proven time and time again that it only takes a weak box office to stop Michael Myers.

The Next Generation of Never Happened

Back in the day, there was a great movie podcast called "The Hollywood Saloon", hosted by Andy Siems and John Jansen. Before there was an unfortunate falling out between the two, they posted a three-hour swan song of a show entitled "Never Happened". This was a show dedicated to the movie projects that were so close to being made and never got made. Examples include Stanley Kubrick's Napoleon, George Miller's original take on Mad Max: Fury Road (starring Mel Gibson) and Quentin Tarantino's pitch of Casino Royale (starring Pierce Brosnan). If a three hour podcast seems overwhelming, fret not because Andy and John had a way of talking that had a great pace; getting out all the necessary information in an entertaining fashion. Although they are now gone, the idea is still sound and in need of updating! So without further ado, here are five projects that never saw the light of day: The Next Generation of Never Happened!

• Robert Zemeckis' Yellow Submarine

In 2008, Robert Zemeckis and Walt Disney Pictures signed an agreement to house performance capture production company ImageMovers Digital. The deal, headed by then-studio head Dick Cook, was bringing the Academy Award-winning director and his new favorite filmmaking technology to the Mouse House. In three years, the studio released two films, Disney's A Christmas Carol and Mars Needs Moms, with a third in development. However, Mars Needs Moms bombed so badly that Disney immediately disowned ImageMovers leaving a distraught Zemeckis to return to live-action filmmaking with Flight and The Walk. 

NOTE: The above image comes from "The Beatles: Rock Band".

The decision left behind the unmade 3D remake of The Beatles' Yellow Submarine. At the time, it was considered that a combination of Disney, the Beatles and Zemeckis would be irresistible. Zemeckis, himself a Beatles fan, began his directing career with a love letter to the Fab Four, I Wanna Hold Your Hand. It was so far in development that it was already being previewed at the first ever D23 fan convention (where the title treatment image was taken) and casting was already underway including Cary Elwes (Disney's A Christmas Carol) as George Harrison and Peter Serafinowicz (Shaun of the Dead). The Tenth Doctor himself, David Tennant, had auditioned for the film's chief villain - the Blue Meanie. Appearances by Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, the two remaining Beatles, were being planned but like the rest of the project, never transpired.

"That would have been a great one to bring the Beatles back to life. But it’s probably better not to be remade – you’re always behind the 8-ball when [you do] a remake. It gets harder and harder [to make movies]. With the current state of the industry, it’s difficult to stay passionate about it. The hardest thing for a filmmaker as he’s aging is saying, 'How much more of this crap can I take?' It’s tough, I can only do it if I have a script to believe in."

- Robert Zemeckis

Likelihood (to ever be made): Never.

• Frank Oz's The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made

Before the Jason Segal reboot of The Muppets, Disney had been courting an idea before 2011 that was actually co-developed by Jim Henson before his untimely death. Entitled "The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made", the movie would start with the greatest 3D opening title sequence ever created. It would soon be revealed that the Muppets were sitting in a screening room watching this footage, as directed by Gonzo. Kermit would praise Gonzo for his efforts but Gonzo would sheepishly reply, "There's one problem, I just blew the whole budget on the title sequence." As they're wondering what to do, there's a studio executive banging on the door to the screening room screaming, "WHERE'S OUR MOVIE?!" Sneaking out the backdoor, the Muppets steal a few cameras from the Disney lot. They go off guerilla style and finish the movie with a few unsuspecting celebrities (among them were rumored to be Vince Vaughn, Rachel Ray and... Christian Bale in character as Batman). Sound familiar? Well, that's because it's also the plot to Frank Oz's film Bowfinger.

Oz hadn't worked with the Muppets extensively since The Muppet Christmas Carol; his Muppet roles for Muppet Treasure Island and Muppets in Space were all done with Oz contributing the voice for said characters in post-production. Working Muppeteer Eric Jacobson has since taken over for most of the Oz characters. Once Disney purchased the film rights to the Muppets, studio executive Dick Cook went to Frank Oz about making the film Jim Henson left behind. Though it was familiar territory in more ways than one, Oz was intrigued and spent a few weeks going over the script and building a preliminary budget. He presented the budget plan to Dick Cook and it's $40 million and Cook nearly has a heart attack. "It's The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made," he complained. "I was thinking like $15 million?" Oz looks Cook dead in the eye and says deadpan, "Do you understand how much money it takes to make things look cheap?" So Oz was let go and Jason Segal was allowed in. Frank Oz's last directorial film in theaters was the British comedy, Death at a Funeral (which was later remade in America with Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence and Tracy Morgan in the leads) and he continues to work in TV. The Muppets finally made it in theaters in 2011 to $165 million worldwide which leads to the Segal-less sequel, Muppets Most Wanted, three years later which grosses less than half of that worldwide. 

Likelihood: Probably never

• Richard Donner's Crazy Taxi

In probably one of the most weird combinations of directors and material, filmmaker Richard Donner (The Omen, Superman: The Movie, The Goonies, Scrooged and the Lethal Weapon movies) was approached about creating a movie based on the hysterical video game "Crazy Taxi". In the game, you take on one of four wacky drivers who will literally do anything - legal or illegal - to get their clients to their destination on time. Players fell in love with its insane gameplay without any consequences from police or other authority figures, the often irascible customers who will jump out of the car if you are late to their destination and the inimitable soundtrack exclusively featuring the bands The Offspring and Bad Religion.

Somehow, a game controller connected to "Crazy Taxi" wound up in the hands of Richard Donner. He played the game and loved it. SEGA was even prepared to redefine their franchise by what Donner and crew would create with the new film, though Donner downplayed any ideas of sequels before the first film had even been released (an oddity 10 years ago, a near impossibility today). Unfortunately, by the time Donner was able to tear himself away from the game and sit down with potential writers, it was determined that there was no real way to create enough of a plot to satisfy both gamers and moviegoers. SEGA had to watch as Donner removed himself from the project, effectively killing it. They were, however, out of the line of fire as the next decade of filmmaking could not save video game movies like Doom, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Max Payne, two different Hitman movies and most recently, Assassin's Creed and Rampage. Next year will be the time SEGA finally jumps to the big-screen with their flagship character Sonic the Hedgehog, who has previously made appearances in Wreck-It Ralph and Ready Player One. Will fortune smile upon the Blue Blur? Time will tell, but Crazy Taxi stalled out in first gear.

"I plan on doing a lot of experimentation with this film, trying things no one's really played around with, to really put the audience in the front or back seat of the taxi during the action sequences. You can do a lot more with the camera work in a movie to make the action sequences feel like those in the game. While a lot of video games are set in science-fiction environments or fantasy worlds, Crazy Taxi is set in New York City with a Russian cab driver. If you do this right, it'll be a lot of fun."

- Richard Donner

Likelihood: Never.

• Brad Bird's 1906

Two-time Academy Award winner Brad Bird is one of the film community's most beloved storytellers. Starting with the immortal tearjerker The Iron Giant and rounding out with the recently released Incredibles 2, Bird has proven himself to be a capable filmmaker with almost anything you put in front of him (Tomorrowland notwithstanding). However, there is one project that has continually eluded him - an epic drama adventure based on a book called 1906. 

The film, a retelling of the tragic 1906 San Francisco earthquake, was being developed by Warner Bros. Pictures in the hopes of replicating another Titanic by including a love story in the midst of chaos. Following completion of Ratatouille, Bird signed on to direct and rewrite the screenplay written by the book's author. To alleviate fears of an escalating budget, an unusual contract was put into place for the film to be a co-production between Warner Bros., Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar. The Shelby Forthright sequences of WALL-E are rumored to have been a test for Pixar to try out live-action filmmaking for both Bird and future John Carter director Andrew Stanton. However, the fact that Brad Bird had never directed a live-action film before continued to stick with Warner Bros. and they were reluctant to commit potential hundreds of millions toward a "cartoon" guy.

Hope came in the form of J.J. Abrams, who texted Bird with one word: "Mission?". A two-year journey began for the Incredibles filmmaker to finally make the jump from animation to live-action with the 2011 film Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol. The film quickly became not only the highest grossing film in the series but the most critically acclaimed as well. Bird proudly came back to the Warner Bros. lot, expecting the executives to be suitably impressed. Apparently not, as Bird was told, "You directed the fourth installment of a film franchise based on a television series starring the most recognizable movie star in the world. What else ya got?" Bird was incensed, but began looking for another bankable project. Then, Tomorrowland happened. All this time, Brad has been the sole cheerleader for 1906 - even recently, on the press tour for Incredibles 2 he was quoted as saying that the project was not dead and may use the plan that Dark Tower abandoned: an intertwining media project of a TV miniseries culminating in a feature film for the actual earthquake. If cameras began rolling tomorrow, they would do so without the participation of Disney; with Marvel and Lucasfilm, they have bigger fish to fry. It seems that for now, all of Bird's men may not be able to put 1906 back together again.

“At (that) time, Chinatown was coexisting with the Barbary Coast, which was like the Wild Wild West, and at the same time Nob Hill had the upper class. It was a time between two centuries. You had horses and cars existing simultaneously. It’s just a volatile mix of things and then you throw in an earthquake. I mean, come on, if that doesn’t buy popcorn …”

- Brad Bird

Likelihood: May still happen.

• Terry Gilliam's Son of Strangelove

I have made no secret that my favorite of the films directed by Stanley Kubrick is his sole comedy, the witty war film Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. It is hysterically funny, showcasing the last people we would ever want in charge if the nuclear bombs were going to fall. The incomparable Peter Sellers delivers not one, not two but three landmark performances and even has two of them carry on conversations with each other. Though one must not ignore the amazing work of George C. Scott as General Buck Turgidson, who literally trips himself up without breaking character in one of my all-time favorite shots of cinema. In his career, Stanley Kubrick never made a sequel to any of his other films; though a sequel to his Strangelove follow-up, 2001: A Space Odyssey (recently re-released in IMAX and it was breathtaking), was made without his cooperation. Such a concept seemed beyond a master like Kubrick. But almost 20 years after his death, the master is still taking us back to school.

A sequel to Strangelove is a tale of two Terrys - Terry Southern, one of the co-writers of Dr. Strangelove and Terry Gilliam, famed Monty Python comedian and director of such films as The Fisher King, 12 Monkeys and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. After the death of Southern in 1995, his family donated boxes upon boxes of his literary work to the New York Public Library where it was recently discovered treatments for a film titled Son of Strangelove. Other potential sequel titles included Turgidson's Mother or: Into the Shaft! and Muffley Strikes Back. As Strangelove ends with the end of the world via the Doomsday Machine, the film would have followed through with Strangelove's mad plan to repopulate the world in mine shafts, with "10 females to each male". No word if Dimitri got to make it into the shaft with his poached eggs. Kubrick apparently approved the development of the film and chose Terry Gilliam to direct it, feeling he had the right sensibilities. There was just one problem: Gilliam did not know about the project himself until over a decade after the passing of both Kubrick and Southern. Gilliam said he would have most definitely taken on the project. My only question is who on Earth would have been able to follow in the footsteps of Peter Sellers? Steve Martin tried it with his two Pink Panther films and they went nowhere. I think it's best to leave Dr. Strangelove forever in the War Room, where it can walk into immortality.

And that's just five of the projects that never ever got off the ground. Should they have? Are there more you'd like to hear about? Let me know in the comments! 

SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY - Sidetracked

Note: Here's where the spoilers begin.

"Let me give you some advice: assume everyone will betray you, and you will never be disappointed."

- Tobias Beckett (Woody Harrelson), Solo: A Star Wars Story

In the summer of 1977, moviegoers were introduced to two new dynamic movie characters: daredevil adventurer Bo “Bandit” Darville (Burt Reynolds) from Smokey and the Bandit and wisecracking mercenary Han Solo (Harrison Ford) from the original Star Wars. Both of them were devil-may-care showoffs who were seemingly only preoccupied with money but ultimately are revealed to have hearts of gold. In the case of Han Solo, audiences fell in love with Ford’s charismatic performance, which was augmented by his many improvisations as well as uncredited dialogue passes by Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz. George Lucas’ original dialogue was said to be so esoteric that Ford famously complained, “George, you can type this $#*! but you can’t say it.”

Having been established as a movie star, Ford was reluctant to reprise his role of Han Solo for Return of the Jedi. He had already played characters with more depth like Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark and Rick Deckard in Blade Runner and even got an Academy Award nomination as the Amish-protecting city cop John Book from Peter Weir’s Witness. The cliffhanger ending to The Empire Strikes Back left Solo frozen in carbonite and as far as Ford was concerned, he could stay there. “He’s got no mama, he’s got no papa, he’s got no future.” However, Lucas’ thinking prevailed and Ford was defrosted. His clear and utter contempt for the material (“Well, why don’t you use your divine influence and get us out of this?”) is evident but remains entertaining. For decades after Jedi, Ford’s career would continue to rise but he made an effort to steer clear of science-fiction (with few exceptions like Ender’s Game and Cowboys and Aliens).

In 2012, Disney purchased Lucasfilm Ltd. and set into motion production on the long-awaited sequel trilogy. While it was assumed that Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher would be more than willing to join the cast, many felt that Harrison Ford would be the lone holdout. Then, head of Lucasfilm, Kathleen Kennedy hired J.J. Abrams to direct The Force Awakens; while it is true that she was looking for him to revitalize the franchise the same way he did Star Trek, one might see an ulterior motive. In the early years of Abrams’ career, he wrote a screenplay entitled Regarding Henry, which was made into a movie starring Ford and directed by Mike Nichols. In fact, Abrams was given a cameo role as a pizza boy delivering to Ford’s character in the film. Hiring a familiar face from the past who just so happened to have a major career boost may have turned the tides for Ford’s participation with one major stipulation: Han Solo had to die by the end of the film.

Naturally, with Han Solo being killed by his own son, Disney had to find a way to lighten up the franchise. They began looking into spin-off films that would be released in the intervening years between saga films. One of the first ideas to come up was the origin story of Han Solo, to be written by long-time Star Wars writer Lawrence Kasdan and his son, Jon. To bring their concept to life, Kathleen Kennedy hired Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. Their body of work was nothing but comedies – Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, the Jump Street films and The LEGO Movie. Over and over again, they had managed to take ideas that were skeptical at best and ridiculous at worst and turn them into box office gold. It was hoped that by giving them a higher budget than they were used to would allow them to take their abilities to greater heights. Almost immediately, Kennedy and the directors were at odds with each other. Coming from an improvisational background, they would often film scenes with multiple takes, each with a different delivery from the actors so there would be a wealth of options for the editing room. Kennedy was expecting more from them and Kasdan was said to be immensely displeased. Lord and Miller were themselves not used to this amount of pressure from a studio. As talking points began to break down, the end was near. Lucasfilm publicly announced that Lord and Miller were no longer involved with the project and a search for a new director would soon begin.

Enter Ron Howard, the Academy Award-winning director of such beloved films as Splash, Cocoon and A Beautiful Mind as well as less-regarded films like The Grinch, The Dilemma and In the Heart of the Sea. His Lucasfilm bonafides included having starred in George Lucas’ Modesto cruising comedy-drama American Graffiti as well as directing the fantasy adventure Willow. It has also been confirmed that Howard was among the first names on Lucas’ mind to direct The Phantom Menace before infamously taking on the job himself. Kennedy needed a name that was reliable and could work fast to undo the “damage” done to the Kasdans’ script. Howard, having never done an outer-space adventure film before, was intrigued and took the job. Bringing the cast back together for reshoots was no doubt a nerve-racking achievement, but from all accounts Howard had the time of his life and took to the world of Star Wars like a duck to water.

All his life, young Han Solo (Alden Ehrenreich) has dreamed of a life where he can fly amongst the stars and be the captain of his own ship. After being forcibly separated from the love of his life, Qi'ra (Emilia Clarke), Han joins the Imperial infantry looking to become a pilot but is instead placed on the front lines. There, he meets a group of undercover criminals led by Tobias Beckett (Woody Harrelson) and bumps into a Wookiee that becomes a life-long friend Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo). Together, they go on a heist set by a crime lord named Dryden Vos (Paul Bettany), who promises death if they fail to live up to his expectations. On the way, the crew finds a famous smuggler named Lando Calrissian (Donald Glover) with just the ship they need, the Millennium Falcon. But as Han soon discovers, everyone has secrets they hide and few can be trusted.

While I think that Solo was much better than Rogue One, I still would have preferred to have seen Phil Lord and Christopher Miller's comedy version to the one audiences got. I would very much still like to hear their side of the story and I am sure due to non-disclosure agreements, they will not be saying much until years from now. Though I am sure they would have added a lot of lowbrow humor to the film, they also would have captured the heart and made the idea wholly worthwhile. In fact, their improvisations might have made the film that much more memorable, ala Harrison Ford's contributions to Star Wars. On the final film, they are credited as executive producers. Currently, they are said to be developing the sci-fi movie Artemis, from the author of The Martian and if that film is any indication, I am sure Lord and Miller will be bringing their creative sense of humor to this new production. All in all, there had to be have been some other way to have settled differences between the directors and Lucasfilm. Maybe assigning them to another project or allowing them the ability to create something all on their own. But now and forever, Solo will have the distinction of having started out with two directors and finishing out with one. Very few memorable movies can say that is a plus.

But to talk about the movie audiences *did* get, Solo is a fine adventure film. It has a lot more fun action set-pieces than the other Disney Star Wars films have, aside from Force Awakens. The big elephant in the room is Alden Ehrenreich and his performance of Han. When he was first announced all I knew him from was the Coen Brothers' Hail, Caesar (a movie that I believe suffered from misleading advertising). While he certainly *can* act, he can not act as Han Solo. I just do not see any of what would eventually become Harrison Ford in his scenes. On the other hand, Donald Glover captured exactly what one expects from Lando Calrissian; "an ol' smoothie". Woody Harrelson does good work as Han's mentor but the fact that he does eventually betray Han is unfortunately totally predictable; though he does bring to mind another character from another Lucasfilm production - the curiously named "Fedora" from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade ("You lost today, kid. But it doesn't mean you have to like it.").  Emilia Clarke is, of course, stunning as ever but does not offer much outside of being Han's love interest. Paul Bettany's crime boss is supposed to be ruthless and menacing, but I do not find him to be so. This is a decent cast, but they are just not allowed to take risks or do anything out of the ordinary.

There is a surprise cameo in the film and while I was thinking it was going to be Jabba the Hutt (maybe even a pracical puppet like Yoda from Last Jedi), but it turned out to be Darth Maul from The Phantom Menace. That is pretty cool, but I imagine pretty confusing to people that have not followed Lucasfilm's animated series(es) "The Clone Wars" and "Rebels" who find out that Darth Maul did indeed survive his slice in half via Obi-Wan Kenobi and now has robot legs. I appreciate that Ray Park was brought back to reprise his role though he is once again dubbed over. So now the first question to ask is why is Lucasfilm bringing back Darth Maul to live-action? Are they setting up a new trilogy of films where Han will eventually take on Maul before he gets to the Mos Eisley Cantina? Will this lead into the long-rumored Obi-Wan Kenobi movie with Ewan McGregor? Maul is certainly a character that can be added to and I am curious to see what he does next.

Fact 1: No one involved with Rogue One ever said this. This is a parody post.

Fact 2: To quote Perry White from Batman v. Superman, "Other breaking news, water... wet."

The fans who got upset with The Last Jedi will most likely find things to get upset over with Solo, but really, if these movies bug you that much - get over yourselves. Seriously. Go find something else to bide your time with. If you are actually going to boycott something, boycott something that actually matters. This is escapism, pure and simple. I have movies that I hate for certain - Vacation (2015) and Ghostbusters: Answer the Call among them. I can, without resorting to violence or anger, reason out why these movies do not work as movies and why the damage the franchises involve with. These other boycotts are just evil, political manipulations of entertainment. It is disgusting and deplorable and it sickens me to have to write about it. I will not discuss this further, so do not bother commenting about it.

Solo: A Star Wars Story - Ron Howard's version, anyway - is a perfectly serviceable Star Wars movie. It has all the humor and thrills that one expects out of this series, but the parts do not add up to the sum of a full movie. The Lord and Miller version will most likely never see the light of day and if that is the case, so be it. I would certainly hope that Lucasfilm learned from their mistakes and will now consciously work with filmmakers every step of the way so that miscommunication will be a thing of the past. It is essentially a film used for a theme park ride (ala "Star Tours") that got a theatrical release; not bad, but leaves you wanting something with more depth.

SPEED RACER: No Limits

RETRO REVIEW

NOTE: Today is the 10th anniversary of Speed Racer.

"Racing hasn't changed and it never will."

"It doesn't matter if racing never changes. What matters is if we let racing change us. Every one of us has to find a reason to do this. You don't climb into a T-180 to be a driver. You do it because you're driven."

- Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) and Racer X (Matthew Fox), Speed Racer

One of the first examples of anime to ever cross stateside to the US of A was the series "Mach GoGoGo", which was developed by Tatuso Yoshida. Combining the popularity of Elvis Presley with the gadgets of James Bond led to a high-octane hero who, with the help of his family and friends, set out to conquer the world of racing. When it was brought to the States, the series was given to Peter Fernandez to translate the show into English and find American voices for the shows characters. The lead character's name was changed to Speed Racer with Fernandez leading the voice cast. Many in the cast pulled multiple duties in voicing several characters: Fernandez was not just Speed, but also his long-lost older brother Rex Racer in disguise as Racer X; actress Corrine Orr was Speed's mother and younger brother Spritle and Speed's lovely girlfriend Trixie; actor Jack Grimes was Speed's loyal mechanic Sparky and Spritle's monkey companion Chim-Chim and rounding out the cast was Jack Curtis as both Speed's father Pops and local investigator Inspector Detector.

Fernandez was working around the clock, often delivering a complete redub of an episode within four days. The pay was not that great, but Fernandez and the rest of the cast were dedicated. Years later, the show was picked up by MTV alongside other anime shows like "Æon Flux". "Speed Racer" eventually became an indelible part of pop culture - many later cartoons parodied the often fast-paced intense conversations the characters would have (which was a result of the redub needing to get as much information across as quickly as possible with the footage that was given), the popular theme song (that was never credited with the actual musicians, Danny Davis and the Nashville Brass) and of course, the Mach 5 car. 

Naturally, Hollywood could not resist a film adaptation of "Speed Racer", but the road to movie-dom was covered in potholes. Many of Hollywood's top filmmakers today grew up watching the show on TV. Warner Bros. owned the rights to the series and several directors were contacted over the following years: Space Jam's Joe Pytka, Earth Girls are Easy's Julien Temple, My Own Private Idaho's Gus Van Sant (who later went on to the Oscar-winning Good Will Hunting and the reviled remake of Psycho) and A Little Princess' Alfonso Cuarón (who later went on to the Oscar-nominated Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and the Oscar-winning Gravity). Several screenwriters were also hired and subsequently fired including J.J. Abrams who wrote a very hard-edged script that included a near sex scene with Speed. Ultimately, by the early 2000s, "Speed Racer" was still just a punch line to be mocked in things like a Geico commercial. 

This is how the Wachowskis appear in the video game "The Matrix: Path of Neo".

Enter the Wachowskis, hot off the mega franchise The Matrix. They re-teamed with Warner Bros. and producer Joel Silver to give "Speed Racer" a new lease on life. While seemingly a out-of-left-field choice to tackle a family-friendly project like Speed Racer, the Wachowskis had a motivation for taking on the project - they were looking to make a cubist film. By their own definition, a cubist film would be a "construction of art based on the imagination of perspective". When asked about the film years later, they said, "We knew that adults cannot accept challenges to their conventional aesthetic, the aesthetic that they are bonded to.... if you sort of assault that aesthetic they will really rage in this primitive way. So we thought maybe we can make it for kids because kids are much more open aesthetically than [adults] are." They brought the whole cast and crew to Germany to film in Studio Babelsberg. Rather than actually filming on location, nearly all of the sets were filmed with green-screen and actors driving shells of cars as opposed to actual cars. Doing this guaranteed the Wachowskis full control over the image (their first in high-definition) and would help to invent their vision of a live-action Speed Racer.

In the high-octane world of racing, there is nobody faster than Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch). Having grown up all his life with an uninhibited love of racing, he is supported by his racecar builder father Pops (John Goodman), his loving Mom (Susan Sarandon), his devoted girlfriend Trixie (Christina Ricci) and his younger brother Spritle (Paulie Litt). Speed is continually haunted by the death of his brother Rex (Scott Porter) during an extremely dangerous off-road rally. The Racer family is approached by billionaire E.P. Arnold Royalton (Roger Allam) who wants to sign Speed to his high-profile racing team. After showing the family around Royalton's massive corporation, Mom and Pops are immensely distrustful of him, but say the decision belongs with Speed and if he agrees, they will gladly follow in business. Believing that the spirit of racing belongs with the heart and not the bottom line, Speed politely declines. Royalton immediately reveals his true colors as a greedy megalomaniac and proceeds to tell him that if he will not race with him, he and his family will eventually be destroyed. Determined to prove Royalton wrong, Speed and his family reluctantly team up with the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox) and the cunning investigator Inspector Detector (Benno Fürmann). But Royalton will not be taken down easily as he has several of the dirtiest, most destructive racers on his payroll. To defeat them, Speed has to put the pedal to the metal and just go, go, go...

When I first saw the trailers, I was very, very impressed and wanted to know more about the show. I picked up the original series' first season on DVD and enjoyed it very much. When I finally got around to the movie... it did not work for me. (At first.) Among my complaints, I thought Emile Hirsch was way too old to play Speed and Spritle and Chim-Chim interrupted the action far too much than was necessary. One particularly terrible line is "Get that weak-ass shit off my track!" Really? Do we need that in a Speed Racer movie? A momentary use of "Free Bird" is out-of-nowhere. (Does Lynyrd Skynyrd exist in this world? It is clearly not our world.)

But little by little, viewing by viewing, I began to see more positives than negatives. I think that John Goodman and Susan Sarandon are perfectly cast and the screenplay by the Wachowskis gives them good scenes to play around with. There is a wonderful scene where Pops has a talk with Speed near the end of the second act where he tells him he made a mistake letting Rex leave believing that family was not important. 

"I lost him here. I let him think that a stupid motor company meant more to me than he did. You'll never know how much I regret that mistake. It's enough I'll never make it again. Speed, I understand that every child has to leave home. But I want you to know, that door is always open. You can always come back. 'Cause I love you."

Royalton is also a fantastic (metaphorical) mustache-twirling villain. His utter diabolicalness nearly out-Tim Currys Tim Curry. In the scene where he outs himself as a bad guy he has a whole spiel of the "real" racing world and how it is all about money and power. You really feel the foot on the throat of the Racer family through the whole movie because of this guy's scheming. Just because this one family, this one racer, will not play ball with him is enough for him to scorch them from the face of the earth. 

Summer of 2008 seemed prime for a movie like Speed Racer, an all-around fun and entertaining family film with two genius directors. Except there was one movie that came out the week before that has helped to redefine Hollywood blockbusters to this very day: Jon Favreau's Iron Man. Not only was it the first superhero movie of the summer (but Christopher Nolan would soon have the biggest), but it sucked out all the air of May 2008. The movie was also plagued by some of the most pandering-to-kids marketing I think I have ever seen. Trying to hype up Speed Racer by making him seem hip and cool and with it is just the wrong way to go. Sell the car. The car is the coolest thing about the entire concept. You could do a whole teaser trailer about it ala the original T2 teaser trailer with no footage from the actual movie but it is selling you a new Arnold Terminator. The Wachowskis moved on to the utterly brilliant Cloud Atlas as well as the turgid Jupiter Ascending. Hopefully, they will return to better work soon.

Speed Racer is a franchise all-in-one movie. It gets almost every aspect of the original show in one movie without the need for sequels. Not only that, but its visuals are unparalleled even to this day; it is a perfect example of how to make a green-screen film. The psychedelic transitions are mind-bending and very creative. It has been 10 years since its initial release and many lovers of film are much kinder to it today than they were then, often introducing it to their own kids. It proves that the finish line is not the release date. 

AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR: All Good Things…

NOTE: As the directors have requested, “Thanos demands your silence.”

“Evacuate the city. Engage all defenses. And get this man a shield!”

- T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman), Avengers: Infinity War

Who would have ever guessed that a small publishing company called Timely would have led to several of the biggest box-office bonanzas of the 21st century? In their 10 years of existence, Marvel Studios has put out 19 feature films, 5 direct-to-DVD short films, 3 network television series, a few adjacent Netflix series and a revamped theme park attraction with loads more well on the way. The ambitious high-wire crossover nature of the Marvel Cinematic Universe has kept fans coming back for more and more.

On the creative side of Marvel Studios, there have been a few ups and downs in terms of maintaining consistency. Actors like Terrence Howard and Edward Norton were replaced early on when it was deemed that they were not team players. Directors like Louis Leterrier, Kenneth Branagh and Joe Johnston have rarely been recognized for their contributions to the MCU and have not been a part of the 10th Anniversary celebrations for unknown reasons. Joss Whedon, who came aboard to take on Marvel’s The Avengers, was quickly made Marvel Studios’ golden boy. After being forced to help fix a few movies, start a brand-new TV show and finish a long-awaited sequel, it was clear he was exhausted and simply wanted to go home.

Enter the Russo Brothers. They were primarily known for their background in comedies like You, Me and Dupree and episodes of “Community”. Fans were more than a bit skeptical when they were brought on to direct Captain America: The Winter Soldier. However, the brothers delivered a thrilling and engaging film that had great action and solid drama while still maintaining the levity the Marvel Studios films are known for. Naturally, they were brought back for Captain America: Civil War where they had a larger scope with even more characters to play with. They also introduced Black Panther and Spider-Man into the MCU. This too was a massive success for the duo. But producer and Marvel Studios head honcho Kevin Feige had a final stage in mind.

Several of the lead actors’ contracts were coming to an end and newer actors coming in needed their own films to thrive in. With the writers of the Captain America trilogy, Feige plotted out two new Avengers films that would effectively end one half of the MCU and push the other half in a whole other direction. Deciding to film both stories back-to-back, the Russos were up to the task. Not only were they working with nearly every cast member from Civil War but also the space superstars the Guardians of the Galaxy (who had just come off two highly successful films). The films were such large-scale events that, for the first time ever in a Hollywood feature film, IMAX cameras were used to film the entirety of production. With the largest main cast ever assembled for a Marvel Studios film, two proven directors and a multi-million dollar production of two separate films both shot in IMAX, the possibilities were infinite…

After the destruction of Asgard, the refugee ship commanded by Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is intercepted by the forces of intergalactic conqueror Thanos (Josh Brolin). The Hulk, who had been traveling with Thor, is sent back to Earth to warn their heroes as Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo). He crash-lands into the Sanctum Sanctorum of Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) who brings in Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.). While Bruce’s story seems unbelievable at first, it is not long before Thanos’ forces have arrived at Earth and begin attacking Manhattan. Spider-Man (Tom Holland) joins the fray in protecting Doctor Strange’s Time Stone, but Strange himself is soon captured. Iron Man and Spider-Man follow their enemies’ ship into space. Meanwhile, Thor has landed in amongst the Guardians of the Galaxy, who take off after the remaining Infinity Stones. Back on Earth, the remaining heroes retreat to the homeland of Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman), Wakanda. They are there to save the life of mortally wounded Vision (Paul Bettany), whose essence is stored in the Mind Stone. Though they are separated by millions of miles of space, the Earth’s mightiest heroes are giving their all to stop a tyrant from ruling the universe. Can they save the day one last time or will their efforts be in vain?

Note: This shot is actually nowhere in the film whatsoever.

To begin with, this film has a breakneck pace but it is welcome because the movie is over two hours long. Audiences have had 10 years to prepare for this and if you are not ready, too bad. It launches you headlong into the adventure not taking any time to reintroduce any of the characters or retell any major events. If one were to ask me what movies to watch beforehand, I would recommend Civil War and Thor: Ragnarok as they are the vital backstory to understanding what goes on in the film. I must admit, I am not usually a fan of movies that run by this fast; but for a long and intense movie like this, the speed is stunning.

As mentioned above, the film boasts a massive cast from all parts of the MCU. One surprise of the film has a long-lost character returning: the Red Skull, last seen in Captain America: The First Avenger. However, this is not Hugo Weaving returning to play the role as he has definitely burned the bridge connecting him to Marvel Studios. Maybe he played the part as a favor to his Wolfman director Joe Johnston. The Red Skull here is played by an impressionist. Regardless, it is gratifying that this particular missing puzzle piece has not gone astray. It is explained that in the climax of First Avenger, Red Skull was beamed away to a distant planet and has lived out of a lifetime keeping watch over the Soul Stone.

The one thing I guarantee everyone will be discussing for a full year until the sequel comes out is the ending in which after Thanos teleports away from Earth, a large amount of the heroes begin disappearing into thin air. The movie ends with the bad guy winning. No hint at how the story will resolve itself. This is Empire Strikes Back territory, not Back to the Future Part II where it ends with a trailer for Part III. But maybe, just maybe… Back to the Future is a clue here. Bear with me: the characters literally fade out of existence in a similar way to how Marty McFly was nearly erased from existence in the first film. Set photos from the next Avengers film feature what appears to be a re-creation of the Battle of New York from the original Avengers film. The two Avengers films were announced as a two-part event, but this was subsequently changed before release. True, Part films have gone out of style since Harry Potter, Twilight and Hunger Games used them to death. So could time travel play a part in getting these heroes back and stopping Thanos? I could conceivably be wrong. It is a comic book world. Anything can happen.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe can never be faulted for its ambitious nature and this is their biggest film since the original Avengers six years ago. In that span of time, other studios have tried and failed to launch their own cinematic universes and paid greatly for their folly. With this film, the House of Ideas has given audiences something they have not yet: a downer ending. But hope has not been extinguished quite yet. As the post-credit scene rolls to a close, it is revealed that Captain Marvel (Academy Award winner Brie Larson) herself is on the way. Marvel is literally coming to save… Marvel.

READY PLAYER ONE: Game On

NOTE: All your SPOILERS are belong to us.

"People come to the OASIS for all the things they can do, but they stay for all the things they can be."

- Wade Watts/Parzival (Tye Sheridan), Ready Player One 

Very few people ruled the 1980s like Steven Spielberg. He directed eight films and through his production company Amblin, executive produced sixteen more - those including Gremlins, The Goonies, Innerspace, Young Sherlock Holmes, Who Framed Roger Rabbit and of course, Back to the Future. He also created the television series "Amazing Stories" which helped give rise to storytellers like Brad Bird. Someone that prolific on popular culture could never be forgotten and thanks to the work of a budding screenwriter-turned-author (and back again), it might have actually been the foundation of one of his most thrilling adventures.

Ernest Cline was a fledgling screenwriter whose most famous work had been the 2009 comedy, Fanboys, starring Kristen Bell and Dan Fogler among others. He was not satisfied as the movie was being distributed by future bankrupt monstrosity the Weinstein Company. Wanting to do a movie-style adventure with complete control over his characters, Cline began writing the book "Ready Player One", an ode to the pop culture of the 1980s as well as a hopeful look forward into a future filled with virtual reality havens of escapism. While the book garnered praise from many in the geek community, others were disquieted. "Ready Player One" has often been railed as sexist, manipulative and pandering. A recurring element is the lead character asking if another character portrayed as a woman is actually a woman. Another controversial part of the book was the amount of listing the lead gives to his knowledge of the 1980s. Cline has offered few if any defense to these allegations. He had been mostly busy working to get "Ready Player One" a proper film adaptation. Many of the great filmmakers around today were offered the film - Peter Jackson, Matthew Vaughn, Edgar Wright and Robert Zemeckis among them - and all turned the film down. On a lark, Cline's agent sent the book to the offices of Steven Spielberg just to see if he would turn it down. Spielberg apparently not only did not turn the book down but could not put the book down.

Having recently fallen into the groove of making socially-relevant historical dramas, Spielberg found the book giving him flashbacks of making films back in the 1980s, the ones that were literal blockbusters with fans lining up around the block. He also saw the story as a potential commentary on the youth of today willingly plugging themselves into their various devices as opposed to spending time outside or with friends and family. Suitably inspired, Spielberg shocked Hollywood by announcing Ready Player One as part of his upcoming filmography which then featured the international thriller Bridge of Spies and cutesy-cuddly family film The BFG. He even attended Comic-Con, of which he has made few appearances at, to promote the film to cheering crowds. "It was the most amazing flashback and flash forward I had ever expierenced," he told Comic-Con. Utilizing the performance capture technology of The Adventures of Tintin and The BFG, Spielberg set out to bring the virtual reality world of the OASIS to life. Because of the lengthy time it took for Industrial Light & Magic to fully render and animate the world of Ready Player One, Spielberg found time to go off and film The Post, following the tumultuous election of Donald Trump. Having scratched the familiar historical drama itch, Spielberg was Ready to have fun with audiences again.

In the not-too-distant future of 2045, young Wade Watts (Tye Sheridan) finds himself wishing for a world that no longer exists: the seemingly more fun and upbeat time of America in the 1980s. Fortunately, he has a way to access that in the sprawling digital utopia that is the OASIS, created by multi-billionaire genius James Halliday (Academy Award winner Mark Rylance). In the OASIS, even the most unpopular nobody can go anywhere, do anything, be anything. However, Halliday has been dead for several years but before he died, he left behind a message inviting all users of the OASIS on a hunt for an Easter egg he left behind. The first user to find it will inherit Halliday's vast, vast, VAST fortune (vast) as well as full ownership of the OASIS. In the midst of this is the multinational conglomerate known as IOI, headed by the duplicitous Nolan Sorrento (Ben Mendelsohn), which will do anything - legal or illegal - to win the contest. As the hunt for the Egg rages on, the realms of the real and the virtual hang in the balance. Wade and his friends - through their digital avatars - will go on adventures beyond their wildest "pure" imagination.

Ready Player One is one of the most visually-stimulating, jaw-droppingly awesome and incredible hilarious action-packed thrill rides Spielberg has ever brought to the screen. The OASIS sequences, as previously mentioned filmed in performance capture, are proof that Spielberg has become the de-facto champion of the technology, picking up where Zemeckis and Jackson left off. It has all the prowess that James Cameron imbued into Avatar, but with the crowd-pleasing sensibilities of films like Jaws and Raiders of the Lost Ark. All the heroic characters - the High 5 - are likable both in their digital avatars as well as in their real-world selves. Mark Rylance and Simon Pegg, who are both fantastic actors and Spielberg alumni, are well-suited in supporting roles. The standout performance comes from the British actress Olivia Cooke as Samantha/Art3mis, utilizing an American accent, and often brings to mind Lea Thompson's giggly Lorraine Baines from Back to the Future. 

In the book, one of the challenges for Parzival is to step into the world of the 1983 film, WarGames. WarGames is a fine film, one I would definitely recommend; but it is clear that the film held no personal connection to Spielberg himself. However, The Shining did; it is well-documented that Stanley Kubrick was very close friends with Spielberg. In the movie, our heroes burst through the doors of a digital cineplex to find a stunning recreation of the Colorado Lounge in the Overlook Hotel. It is almost as if the filmmakers went back in time to Elstree Studios in 1979 England and simply filmed in the empty sets. Hallmarks of The Shining gradually begin to appear: the Grady twins, the blood coming from the elevator (it usually gets off at the second floor) and last, but not least, the infamous Room 237. It is a testament to Spielberg's command of visual effects, the mind-blowing talent of thousands of animators as well as a loving tribute to a masterful director. 

The greatest joys to get out of Ready Player One are the surprise references in the film. It is amazing to think that Freddy Krueger, Duke Nukem, Harley Quinn, the original RoboCop and Chucky of Child's Play are all in a Steven Spielberg film. And that is barely skimming the surface of what can be seen in the film. I saw this movie in IMAX both opening night and the following night and I can only imagine I have correctly identified just under a third of all what goes on in the background of the movie. While I will most definitely advocate you see this film on the biggest screen possible, the day will come when people like me will go frame-by-frame of this movie on an iPad Zapruder-style to see all the identifying characters.  But the one that captured my heart the most was seeing the DeLorean time machine back in action. Seeing it zoom, jump and hover in the film's first challenge was exhilarating. There is also a very sweet nod to Robert Zemeckis in the film as well that is one element I will not spoil.

I am recommending Ready Player One to anybody I know. Regardless of age, gender, whether they are gamers or whether they love movies or not. It is a genuinely heartfelt adventure that will please almost any crowd you put in front of this thing. It celebrates imagination and fun like few movies made today ever could have. The flaws of the book have been dialed down or even removed from the film. Spielberg has often taken books that were mediocre at worst and made them into legendary films like Jaws and Jurassic Park. I imagine time will be just as kind to Ready Player One.