"Quick! He's hiding behind those credits!"
The earliest episode on this list features the wacky J. Elvis Weinstein as both Dr. Laurence Erhardt and the original voice of Tom Servo. The film the SOL is subjected to by the Mads is centered around two very attractive vagrant girls (Mamie Van "Hooter-- Doren!" and Lori Nelson) who are tried and convicted for swimming illegally in a pond. They are forced to join a work camp where the grown-ups put down their hip and with-it ways, until they discover the true nature behind their incarceration. Joel, Servo and Crow offer a tribute to Greg Brady (a gag involving a woman who oddly reminds them of the famous sitcom character). The riffs are a bit dated and the SOL crew in the host segments look and sound exhausted. Even so, it's still a fairly decent episode.
Favorite riff - Joel: "I didn't mean for to drink it, silly woman! It's kerosene!"
"You know, they don't look that big to me."
The first of two Bert I. Gordon-produced films on this list, this is a movie where the three most famous people involved (Tommy Kirk, Ron Howard and Beau Bridges) would most likely NOT put this film on their résumés. A bunch of teenage jerks, with Bridges as the ringleader, wander into a small town. Tommy Kirk's little brother, played by Ron Howard, creates a potion that allows things to grow out-of-proportion. The teenage jerks steal it, and of course, grow to giant-size. The girls are nice to look at as giantesses, but that doesn't distract enough from the fact that this story (which has its roots from H.G. Wells' "The Food of the Gods", which is credited) is impossibly silly and stupid. Mike and the Bots have a field day with the film, but the host segments aren't that memorable.
The first of two Bert I. Gordon-produced films on this list, this is a movie where the three most famous people involved (Tommy Kirk, Ron Howard and Beau Bridges) would most likely NOT put this film on their résumés. A bunch of teenage jerks, with Bridges as the ringleader, wander into a small town. Tommy Kirk's little brother, played by Ron Howard, creates a potion that allows things to grow out-of-proportion. The teenage jerks steal it, and of course, grow to giant-size. The girls are nice to look at as giantesses, but that doesn't distract enough from the fact that this story (which has its roots from H.G. Wells' "The Food of the Gods", which is credited) is impossibly silly and stupid. Mike and the Bots have a field day with the film, but the host segments aren't that memorable.
Favorite riff - Crow: "Oh, my God, Opie's on fire!"
8. Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
"You know, with this digital technology, the suckiness comes through with great clarity."
This is a late-in-the-game Mike episode with the SOL crew dealing with a made-for-TV sci-fi version of The Matrix (which was made 16 years later) starring the late Raul "Gomez Addams" Julia. A bored keyboard jockey (Julia) is sent on a virtual vacation where his mind is disconnected from his body. However, through a ridiculous mishap, his body goes missing forcing the technician in charge of him having to store his mind into the company computer. The guy loves creating digital chaos by virtually sleeping with co-worker and recreating Casablanca while the technician feverishly tries to keep him out of trouble. Because of Julia's then-recent death, the writers of the show were delicate in not making fun of him, but rather everything else in the movie around him. For instance, the villain of the film is a decidedly overweight guy who reminds Mike and the Bots of former Mad TV's Frank (Frank Conniff) and they proceed to lob every food and fat-guy joke (the guy is literally referred to as "The Fat Man" in the movie) they can think of. A highly underrated episode book-ended with less-than-stellar host segments featuring the SOL guys dealing with an off-camera temperamental monkey and Pearl Forrester (Mary Jo Pehl) hosting her own telethon.
Favorite riff - Mike: "TO WENDY'S!"
7. Bride of the Monster
"I wonder where she's registered."
Ah, how could the SOL crew resist the temptation of Hollywood's favorite bad filmmaker, Ed Wood? This was his penultimate movie before his magnum opus, Plan 9 from Outer Space, which somehow managed to escape being riffed on (Mike Nelson's RiffTrax did finally get its chance to take it on years later). A mad scientist, portrayed by the endlessly inimitable and unforgettable Bela Lugosi, plots to take over the world by creating "a master race of superbeings... of unbelievable strength and size!" Unfortunately, none of his test subjects had ever survived his experiments. That is, until a nosy reporter (Loretta King) comes snooping around looking for a scoop and the scientist plans to turn her into the perfect mate for his hulking henchman, Lobo (Tor Johnson). There's also a really funny short, Hired!, sponsored by Chevrolet and centered around a loser salesman who can't make a sale and infuriates his boss. The SOL guys create a whole musical around the short which is spectacular. As a whole, it is one of the best.
6. I Accuse My Parents
Ah, how could the SOL crew resist the temptation of Hollywood's favorite bad filmmaker, Ed Wood? This was his penultimate movie before his magnum opus, Plan 9 from Outer Space, which somehow managed to escape being riffed on (Mike Nelson's RiffTrax did finally get its chance to take it on years later). A mad scientist, portrayed by the endlessly inimitable and unforgettable Bela Lugosi, plots to take over the world by creating "a master race of superbeings... of unbelievable strength and size!" Unfortunately, none of his test subjects had ever survived his experiments. That is, until a nosy reporter (Loretta King) comes snooping around looking for a scoop and the scientist plans to turn her into the perfect mate for his hulking henchman, Lobo (Tor Johnson). There's also a really funny short, Hired!, sponsored by Chevrolet and centered around a loser salesman who can't make a sale and infuriates his boss. The SOL guys create a whole musical around the short which is spectacular. As a whole, it is one of the best.
Favorite riff - Crow: "Hey, where the hell do we live again, Steve?!"
6. I Accuse My Parents
"They laughed when I Accuse My Parents and I killed them. Let's see if they'll be laughing now!"
Another highly underrated episode. Joel and the Bots take a look at this feature-length "after school special"-type film about what happens when you have inattentive parents. Jimmy (Robert Lowell) has just won a school essay contest about his very happy home-life with his near-perfect parents. However, Jimmy is nothing more than a "LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!" because his mother (Vivienne Osborne) is an alcoholic and his father (John Miljan) is a compulsive gambler. Trying to make his own way, Jimmy's lies soon land him dates with a beautiful songbird (Mary Beth Hughes) and in deep trouble with her mobster boyfriend (George Meeker). Before he knows it, Jimmy's on the lam! There's also a short film praising the works of "The Truck Farmer". You'll notice a lot of my favorite episodes are not science-fiction based, but that makes it all the funnier to me. This movie is so melodramatic, it's silly. Really worth a watch.
Favorite riff - Joel: "Eleanor Roosevelt's pissed!"
5. The Painted Hills
"Uh-oh. Sounds like it's gonna be an epic."
One of pop culture's thankfully forgotten characters, Lassie, is not spared the MST3K treatment for this very funny yet also very disturbing adventure movie. A crusty old gold miner (Paul Kelly) and his faithful collie find a prosperous gold strike and bring his former partner's wife's newest boyfriend (yeah, it's confusing) and her little boy (Gary Gray) to help him take out the gold. However, the new partner (Bruce Cowling) quickly grows greedy and wants all the gold for himself and kills the miner. However, Lassie has witnessed the whole thing and swears revenge. The film is preceded by a college-age short focused on "Body Care & Grooming" ("They're Cops!"). This Lassie movie is needlessly dark (with the partner and Lassie attempting to kill each other) but the SOL guys are able to keep things light and happy. Servo even attempts to melt down Crow into gold until Joel tells him that Crow is basically worthless. Joel himself is nearly goaded into becoming Lassie's lawyer near the end of the episode before his senses return. I actually acquired a copy of the film without the MST3K riffs and I haven't watched it yet, for fear of not laughing as much as I have with this epiosde.
Favorite riff - Tom Servo: "Snausages."
4. Final Justice
"Oh, please! Can't we have one more Justice?"
Oh, boy... sometimes there are people who just get themselves more and more trouble. One of those people is Joe Don Baker, best known for playing Buford Pusser in the original Walking Tall, the villainous chief of police in Fletch and playing two different characters in two James Bond films, The Living Daylights and GoldenEye. But to MST3K fans, he is a force to laugh at. For the MST3K crew, he is someone to be feared. Baker, for reasons you'll find out later in this list, threatened to hurt anyone he met and found out had worked on the show. Mike and the Bots throw all caution to the wind (downwind from Joe Don, that is) and give this film their worst. Joe Don Baker plays a Texas county mountie who finds himself having to escort an Italian criminal back to his homeland but due to unforeseen circumstances ends up chasing him around Malta. The movie is cheesy and silly and all too serious for its own good. There's even a really bad continuity error that the Bots complain to Pearl about. "Famed" Maltese children's character Goosio appears on the Satellite of Love (and is summarily killed by Servo and Crow). "Go ahead on," and watch this hysterical episode.
Favorite riff: Servo - "Our hero, a murderous oaf who threatens women!"
3. The Amazing Colossal Man
"Oh, right. You wish."
Here's that other Bert I. Gordon-produced film that also features a giant. An army soldier named Glenn Manning (played by a guy named Glenn, quite a stretch) is caught up in an atomic explosion and begins growing at an alarming rate. The growth also leaves him bald, enhances his arrogance and diminishes his intelligence. His ever-hopeful fiancee hopes a cure can be found to his condition, but of course, it all ends in tragedy. That is, until the sequel which features no actors from the original, a sister to the main character that never existed in the first film, and is titled War of the Colossal Beast. Joel tries to imagine would it would be like being a 50-foot-man in a tiny room and Tom and Crow failing to comfort him. That is, until Glen himself shows up (played by Mike Nelson).
Favorite riff: Joel and the Bots - "RUN!!!!"
2. Manos: The Hands of Fate
"Well, you know, 'Manos'."
Probably the most famous episode of MST3K, it introduced the world to the madness of Manos: The Hands of Fate, directed by master fertilizer salesman Harold P. Warren. It is often cited as the absolute worst film ever showcased on the series. A normal, average everyday, dumb family gets lost on the wrong back road and wind up rooming in the motel right next to the opening of Hell. Featuring an extremely weird, bended-knee guy named Torgo and his maniacal employer, the Master, can the family escape with their souls intact? This episode perpetuated the film's introduction into pop culture, leading to a new HD restoration of the film (from an original print), a few mobile video games and even a sequel (with a few of the original actors). Years later, Mike was able to take his chance at riffing the film live in Nashville, TN for RiffTrax Live: Manos - The Hands of Fate. Why wait? Check out the unmistakable Manos episode.
Favorite riff: Servo - "Hold on, Satan. I'm gonna put you on speakerphone."
Probably the most famous episode of MST3K, it introduced the world to the madness of Manos: The Hands of Fate, directed by master fertilizer salesman Harold P. Warren. It is often cited as the absolute worst film ever showcased on the series. A normal, average everyday, dumb family gets lost on the wrong back road and wind up rooming in the motel right next to the opening of Hell. Featuring an extremely weird, bended-knee guy named Torgo and his maniacal employer, the Master, can the family escape with their souls intact? This episode perpetuated the film's introduction into pop culture, leading to a new HD restoration of the film (from an original print), a few mobile video games and even a sequel (with a few of the original actors). Years later, Mike was able to take his chance at riffing the film live in Nashville, TN for RiffTrax Live: Manos - The Hands of Fate. Why wait? Check out the unmistakable Manos episode.
Favorite riff: Servo - "Hold on, Satan. I'm gonna put you on speakerphone."
1. Mitchell
"It's Bigfoot!"
Here it is. The infamous episode where Joel said goodbye to the Satellite of Love, but not before enduring one of the most popular films that fans have grown to love. Mitchell (Joe Don Baker) is a cop on the edge... and the SOL crew is ready to push him over. As the laziest cop on the force, Mitchell is tasked with staking out in front of a shady businessman's dealings and manages to take down a whole drug cartel, all the while courting a prostitute and drinking baby oil (to Joel and the Bots' horror). It's my all-time favorite episode. What else can I say about it but, "Mitchell!"?
Favorite riff: Joel - "Mitchell goes as big as his life!"
Thanks for reading! List your favorites in the comments!
Honorable mentions:
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
The Rebel Set
The Girl in Lovers' Lane
The Beast of Yucca Flats
The Pumaman
Quest of the Delta Knights
