Marilyn, Money and Pirates

Thought I'd do something different today. Instead of taking a lot of time and effort into doing a really large review on a movie, I figured why not look at three movies in one post without having to do a full all-out review? I've been getting a lot of hate from folks who complain I'm not doing enough for this site; I've been busy with GeekTyrant and starting work on BleedingCool (which I'm still getting used to). Not to mention, I have exams in the next few weeks. Stressful! However, I hope this puts me back in your good graces. These are reviews of Moneyball, My Week with Marilyn and The Pirates! Band of Misfits. 

MONEYBALL: Brad Pitt Swings for the Fences


In 2002, the Oakland Athletics baseball team were in trouble. Not only were they the lowest-scoring team in the leagues, they were also the cheapest. Their general manager Billy Beane (Brad Pitt) was struggling to find quality players within the Athletics' budget. On a visit to the Cleveland Indians' management team, he bumps into recent college graduate Peter Brand (Jonah Hill). Peter convinces Billy that the way people think about hiring baseball players based on looks is incorrect and should be based on math (how many times they get on base). Peter is hired to come onto the Athletics' management team and quickly becomes Billy's closest confidante. However, the other members of the group, including fellow manager Art Howe (Philip Seymour Hoffman), who dismiss Billy and Peter's strategy as implausible. However, things in Oakland slowly start to turn around.

There are some critics who say that Moneyball does crazy things like "reaffirm your faith in the movies". If a movie where Brad Pitt can't stop throwing chairs down the hallway "reaffirms your faith in the movies", you need to see more of them. Pitt's character throwing a chair is meant to visualize his frustration, but when it becomes recurring, it looks unintentionally comical (like he has a problem). Other than that, Pitt does fine in the role, but he's not nearly as charming as he is in other films. Although Jonah Hill received his first Oscar nomination, he can't sell me that he's a genius mathematician even with dialogue co-written by The Master Playwright, Aaron Sorkin. The uptight Sorkin must have been horrified when Sony used AC/DC's "Money Talks" to promote Moneyball to the beer-swilling sports crowd (he just doesn't strike me as a guy who has AC/DC on an iPod; or even somebody *with* an iPod). Why hire a genius cinematographer like Wally Pfister (best known for working with Christopher Nolan) for a baseball movie if nearly all of the baseball scenes are going to be played back through TV? You might remember that I had Moneyball listed under "Worst Movies" for my "Best of 2011" list. It's since been removed, because now I don't really hate it as much as I find it adequate. It's OK, but it's just not a movie that I can go crazy for.

MY WEEK WITH MARILYN: She's Not Who You Think She Is


In 1956, Marilyn Monroe (Michelle Williams) was the most famous woman in the world: married to an intellectual playwright, Arthur Miller (Dougray Scott); was a popular pin-up girl; and had just been hired for her first foreign film, The Prince and the Showgirl, directed by the revered Sir Laurence Olivier (Kenneth Branagh). Right in the middle of it all was young third assistant director Colin Clark (Eddie Redmayne): a young man from England willing to do anything to make it in the movie business. Staking out in Olivier's office is paid off when Olivier is impressed by Colin's resourcefulness in finding a secret house for Monroe and Miller to live in while in England. Marilyn arrives in England and captivates reporters with her normal sensuality and humor. However, when production of Olivier's film begins, she becomes emotionally difficult and timid enraging a ill-tempered Olivier. Colin attempts to ease her fears and Marilyn develops a friendship with him. When Miller leaves the country to return home, Marilyn latches onto Colin and they go on a romantic journey in the country, spending the day together. Of course, as history can attest, it's only a brief chapter in Monroe's life.

I honestly was surprised by this film. I could really identify with Colin Clark as just somebody who is captivated by the movies. Speaking of captivating, Michelle Williams is stunning as Marilyn Monroe. Not a clear copy of her, of course, but enough to drive audiences wild over her. I'm skeptical that she had this epic lack of confidence in herself, but I didn't know her. I find that the way the film is told is highly romanticized, as if Colin is bragging to his classmates that he had a relationship with Monroe. It didn't distract me from the storytelling, but it seemed a bit one-sided and could make it come off as fictional. Kenneth Branagh must *really* want to be Olivier, since his life parallels his so much (an actor/director with an unadulterated love of Shakespeare). It's interesting to see Emma Watson in her first post-Harry Potter film (yes, I know she did movies in between the HP movies) but she's there only briefly as an assistant to the costume designer. Is it me or does Judi Dench play the same elderly know-it-all lady (outside of the James Bond films, where it works) in nearly every movie she's in? It's not charming, lady! All in all, My Week with Marilyn is a charming romance and I give it a high recommendation.

THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS: Set Sail for Silliness


The Pirate Captain (voice of Hugh Grant) and his loyal ragtag crew are at their happiest when they're out sailing the high seas, living free. However, the Captain also wants to win the coveted "Pirate of the Year Award", but he is not alone. Rivals such as Cutlass Liz (voice of Salma Hayek) and Black Bellamy (voice of Jeremy Piven) are also after the honor. In pillaging various ships, the Captain and his crew bump into scientist Charles Darwin (voice of David Tennant), who recognizes the Captain's "fat parrot", Polly, as the last living dodo bird. In the promises of "untold riches", the Captain and the crew take Darwin to London where they find themselves crazily out of place.

After leaving their partnership with DreamWorks Animation after two films (the Oscar-winning Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit and the CG-animated Flushed Away), it seemed as though Aardman Animation would never again return to the silver screen. However, they soon found another willing distribution partner in Sony Pictures Animation. Their first film together, the CG-animated Arthur Christmas, was released the same weekend as The Muppets and Hugo and yet all three of them managed to receive 90% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes (a miracle in this day and age for any film). But now, they have returned to their stop-motion claymation roots with The Pirates! Band of Misfits. This movie is silly, harmless fun (just as "Wallace and Gromit" are). My favorite scene was the bathtub chase through Darwin's house (that you get a glimpse of in the trailer). The animation is spectacular and there are loads of laughs to be found. The Pirates! Band of Misfits is just good, clean fun and goes to show what Aardman does best.

OSMOSIS JONES: One Sick Movie

RETRO REVIEW

In 1994, "Seinfeld" writers Peter and Bobby Farrelly broke their way to the screen with the blockbuster Jim Carrey/Jeff Daniels comedy Dumb & Dumber. After the box-office failure of their bowling comedy, Kingpin (starring Woody Harrelson and Bill Murray), the Farrelly Brothers took a chance on rising star Ben Stiller and gave the world There's Something About Mary, their best-received film to date. Soon, they reteamed with Jim Carrey in what I personally think is Carrey's most underrated comedy, Me, Myself and Irene. And then came what most people believe killed their career and has kept it on life-support ever since; the live-action/animated comedy, Osmosis Jones. While most people think it is nothing more than a disgusting kids' movie, I think it's very funny and lovable.


Sloppy zookeeper Frank Detorre (Bill Murray) is a single father with one daughter, Shane (Elena Franklin). While she would like him to start taking better care of himself, Frank is largely selfish and impulsive though he does care deeply for his little girl. One day, at the zoo, Frank gets into a fight with a chimpanzee over a stolen hard-boiled egg. The egg falls from the chimp's lips and onto the filthy cage floor. As Shane watches horrified, Frank simply pops the egg into his mouth. What Frank doesn't know is that inside his body, a whole community of cells lives and works, trying to keep him safe from the dangers of disease. However, there is one white blood cell cop who thinks he can take on disease all by himself: Osmosis Jones (voice of Chris Rock). Due to Jones botching up a high-speed chase, Frank suddenly has a leg cramp.


However, a dangerous virus has arrived in "the City of Frank". Emerging from the contaminated egg that Frank ate is the deadly Thrax (voice of Lawrence Fishburne) with a master plan to kill Frank within 48 hours. After dispatching with the two cells who discovered him, Thrax causes Frank to have a sore throat. Trying to please the masses by keeping the situation under control, the scheming Mayor Phlegmming (voice of William Shatner) controls Frank subconciously to take a cold pill. The Chief of Police (voice of producer Joel Silver) orders Jones to meet the pill in the stomach and take him to the sore throat. There, he meets the cold pill himself, "Special Agent Drixobenzometapetramine" or Drix (voice of David Hyde Pierce). Drix is a no-nonsense investigator intent on performing the services for which he was made for. Arriving at the sore throat, Jones discovers that the sore throat may not have been as common as everyone has been led to believe. Following a clue, Ozzy and Drix begin their investigation. Soon, they get themselves hot on the trail of Thrax, who will destroy any cell that gets in his path.

I can see people being grossed out by the idea of being in Bill Murray's body. Peter Travers said in his review of the film, "Can your heart be warmed while your guts are being wrenched?" Another noticeable element of the film that critics pointed out was the difference in storytelling speed between the live-action sequences and the animation. As I've read, the animation was nearly finished when the Farrelly Brothers were brought in to shoot the live-action sequences. They only joined the film when Bill Murray was confirmed to star as Frank. One of my personal problems with the film is Uncle Bob, played by Chris Elliott. I assume Bob is supposed to be a cautionary tale because he is even more selfish and a slob than Frank is. Even so, there is no reason for the character to be near unlikable. Admittedly, both Murray and Elliott have been in better movies (most noticeably Groundhog Day). Another unlikable character in the film is Mayor Phlegmming. The character goes from being ridiculously full of himself to a flat-out jerk. One character even says, "You care more about your stupid re-election than you care about all our lives."

However, I do like this film more than most people. The animation looks really cool (especially the chase sequences which I think are top-notch), Bill Murray has a great gross-out performance, Lawrence Fishburne's Thrax is a fantastic villain, and the mystery is genuinely interesting. The locations in the body shown are imaginative with the stomach designed like an airport, the brain as a city hall, and "the Zit" as a nightclub. Also, the songs are somewhat catchy, but in this day and age, most of them are dated - except, of course, for Kid Rock. It's also the only movie we'll ever see with Captain James T. Kirk and Opie Taylor running for Mayor of Bill Murray's body. That just cracks me up personally. This movie isn't trying to hurt anybody, it's just good, messy fun. As the trailer says, "[It's] a dirty job, but some antibody's got to do it."

NOTE: I apologize for the lack of reviews, I've had a lot of schoolwork to do and no time to go out to theaters! Trust me, I will try to have in more content in the coming weeks! I'm still writing for GeekTyrant and just landed a position with BleedingCool! Thanks for reading - Zack

JOHN CARTER: Out of This World

What can you say about a story that just can’t be killed? Is it tenacious? Is it intriguing? How about otherworldly? These are the qualities of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ novel “A Princess of Mars”. Its characters are larger than life (some more than others), its landscape is outlandish and it began a science-fiction/fantasy revolution that spanned a century and helped to inspire Star Wars and Avatar. For years, Hollywood has tried to film this colossal tale, with many famous names, and with no success until today. Teaming with two-time Oscar winner Andrew Stanton, Walt Disney Pictures has finally captured the adventures of John Carter.

A former US solider, Edgar Rice Burroughs had become a preoccupied writer working for his brother in a stationary company, often taking notes on the very pads the company was making. Burroughs was writing a piece of fiction that he feared others would believe to be made for children. He needed this story to work because he had a wife and two children to support. When he submitted the novel for publishing, Burroughs was paid $400. The book was titled “A Princess of Mars” and he went on to write 10 more novels set in the fictional world of Barsoom. Burroughs would later craft a character that proved to be more popular than “Princess of Mars”, “Tarzan of the Apes”.

While “Tarzan” was sweeping readers (and soon, decades of movie-goers) off their feet, the world of Barsoom caught the eye of one loony animator. Bob Clampett, the man who helped to invent “Looney Tunes”, came to Burroughs with the notion of turning “A Princess of Mars” into the world’s first feature-length animated film. He wholeheartedly agreed, and work on an animation test began. However, when the test was screened, audiences were “alienated” (pun intended). Clampett stopped development of the project (had it continued, the film might have beaten Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs to theaters) and two decades later, Burroughs passed away.

The book soon landed at Walt Disney Pictures with Terminator producer Mario Kassar in tow. After TRON “failed” to be Disney’s answer to Star Wars, Kassar was convinced this work by Burroughs would compete. Big names soon came attached to the project – Future Pirates of the Caribbean writers Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, Die Hard director John McTiernan and rising star Tom Cruise. However, McTiernan felt that special effects had not caught up with Burroughs’ vision and the project fell apart. Although the rights returned to Burroughs’ estate, Disney would soon find success in bringing to life the other famous Burroughs creation in 1999’s Tarzan.


Director Jon Favreau, coming off of Zathura: A Space Adventure, was hired by Paramount Pictures to develop the “Barsoom” series of books into a film adaptation after a previous attempt by Robert Rodriguez and (oddly enough) Ain’t It Cool News creator Harry Knowles had fallen apart miserably following Rodriguez’s departure from the Directors Guild of America. Seeking to faithfully adapt the first three “John Carter” novels, Favreau planned to have the alien race of the Tharks – 15-foot-tall green aliens – filmed with practical effects and makeup. After a year of work, Paramount let the rights lapse, and moved onto reinventing the 40-year-old Star Trek series. As consolation, Favreau was put in charge of a superhero film, which turned out to be Iron Man.

It seemed as though John Carter would never be able to get off the ground on Earth as well he could on Barsoom. That is, until the property was put in the hands of Pixar animator/director Andrew Stanton. After finishing Finding Nemo and Wall•E, Stanton was looking for another project and recalled his love of Burroughs’ John Carter novels. Stanton moved from Pixar to Walt Disney Pictures and asked if Disney could purchase the rights for him. As a reward for the success of Wall•E, Disney agreed. Finally, John Carter entered production in January 2010.


Young Edgar Rice Burroughs (Daryl Sabara) is summoned to his beloved uncle’s mansion. Upon arriving, Burroughs learns that John Carter (Taylor Kitsch) has passed away under mysterious circumstances and is buried in a tomb on the property. Carter’s attorney hands Burroughs a journal that Carter kept and is only to be read by him. Years ago, Carter was an ex-Confederate soldier mining for gold in the Arizona hills until he’s captured by a Union colonel (Bryan Cranston) wanting to use his services. As he’s escaping, Carter stumbles upon a cave filled with gold. Carter suddenly finds himself inexplicably transported to Mars. There he soon becomes entangled in another “Civil War” between the red-skinned people of Helium and Zodanga, is captured by the 15-foot-tall green barbarian warriors the Tharks and finds that he has unnatural strength and agility thanks to the planet’s less dense atmosphere. With allies like Tars Tarkas (Willem Dafoe) and the lovely Helium princess Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins), Carter will go on an adventure unlike any other.


I thoroughly enjoyed this film. This project started in animation and it took an animation director to bring it to life. Stanton may not get all the praise that fellow Pixar alumni Brad Bird got for his live-action debut, Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, but he does his best here even though the heart of his animated films aren’t here. Another thing that doesn’t help is that there are times in the film where it gets slow and expositional. Taylor Kitsch and Lynn Collins both contribute fine performances. Although his character is featured prominently in the trailers and TV spots, Willem Dafoe’s Tars Tarkas, although a very good use of performance capture, is hardly in the film at all; though he does offer the film a lot of humor. One of the highlights of the film is John Carter’s alien pet companion, Woola. He is just so darn cute that you can’t help but smile when you see him.


For years, Disney has been doing their damndest to replicate the atmospheric success of their Pirates of the Caribbean franchise – from good (The Chronicles of Narnia, National Treasure) to mediocre (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) to “What were they thinking?” (G-Force, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time). As I’ve said earlier, Taylor Kitsch and Lynn Collins are good actors, even though their performances sadly bring to mind Jake Gyllenhaal and Gemma Arterton from Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (a film that I believe was clearly made by the wrong studio; the games aren’t meant to be family-friendly). In fact, the film does have a bad habit of coming off as Prince of Persia “IN SPAAAAAACE!” – a good-looking, athletic outcast with a past he is unwilling to talk about teaming up with a feisty but smart princess to save her kingdom. What helped Pirates achieve box office glory was that there were no expectations for it, save for it being based on a well-known theme park ride (not to mention, a good-looking and talented cast); Disney had already released two other films in the summer of 2003 had Pirates failed – Holes (highly underrated film) and The Lizzie McGuire Movie (the less said about that franchise, the better). Transformers exploded in a similar way in 2007.


I know that all of the Hollywood press machine would have you believe that John Carter is nothing but a no-account failure right from the start. A $250 million budget for a first-time live-action director? Preposterous and reckless, they’d say. They also predicted doom when the film had its initial title “John Carter of Mars” retracted to read simply John Carter after the box office fiasco of Mars Needs Moms (of which I will say it is a decent film). The title does indeed appear at the end of the film, because Stanton says that the character has finally earned his title (of course, many others would say Disney demanded he spin his statement). It’s easy to believe the message of doom and gloom, but I ask you to view the film for what it really is: just an old-fashioned fun space adventure. John Carter puts the frontier in final frontier.

A Look at Disney's One Saturday Morning

I realize this is less Hollywood big screen and more towards the small screen, but it’s nostalgic nonetheless. Not to mention, this particular block of Saturday morning cartoons launched three feature-length theatrical films. As a kid, this was the one thing that got you up way early in the morning on Saturday – cartoons that were funny, action-packed and even had a message or two to pass on.



Disney’s Doug
This series was after the Nickelodeon run of the Jim Jenkins series had ended and Disney had bought the rights to the characters. In return for starting up “Doug” on a new network (ABC), Jenkins was given the chance to do a whole other TV series on Playhouse Disney called “PB&J Otter”. Many “Doug” fans despise this iteration of the show for aging the characters slightly, forcing Billy West (the original voice of Doug Funnie and Roger Klotz) to leave the series due to payment issues and changing the style of the music (which was a staple of the original series). In my own opinion, I didn’t notice much different; what kids like varies and variety is indeed the spice of life. This show proved to be successful enough to launch its own feature film, Doug’s 1st Movie. Giving a show like “Doug” a movie is a plausible idea but the story they came up with was pretty ridiculous (Doug and his pal Skeeter sets out to find the monster of Lucky Duck Lake) and the box office reflected it with a total of $19 million. If you want the best “Doug”, stick with Nickelodeon.



Pepper Ann
This show was about a young 7th grade girl who is a perpetual daydreamer and lives with her strong willed mother and her sister of questionable gender. Like Doug, the show would often delve into the lead character’s fantasies which were quite odd to say the least. Even weirder was that it had the same composer as “Rocko’s Modern Life”, Pat Irwin. As far as the characters go, Pepper Ann was kinda weak-willed, her friend Nicky was even worse and Milo had no personality. All of the side characters were essentially forgettable. But hey, I’m a guy, so maybe it connected more with girls than it did me. The show lasted for four years, so it did end up proving its longevity.



Recess
Man, was this show a lot of fun! The opening sequence was just plain cool, introducing each of the main characters without saying a word. You had T.J. (the man with the plan), Vince (the star athlete), Spinelli (the tough tomboy), Gretchen (the pig-tailed genius), Mikey (the “gentle giant”) and Gus (the nerdy new kid). In Third Street School, recess is not just a time for fun and hanging out with friends; it has its own governments and cliques. What set apart this show was its series of interesting side characters who would make minor appearances in most episodes and rarely got episodes where the side characters had a main role. The show got its own theatrical film, Recess: School’s Out sending the characters into summer vacation. The story involved a secret government agency taking over Third Street with a plan to use a weapon to move the Moon into position to freeze the entire planet. Sound way too over-the-top for a show like “Recess”? Agreed. They even tried to pull in some ‘60s “peace, love and understanding” for today’s youth, which is completely out of sync with the times. I would say it’s still watchable, but “Recess saves the world” is a bit of overstatement. Even so, “Recess” was the best show I remember from One Saturday Morning.



Mickey Mouse Works/House of Mouse
This was Disney’s way of ensuring Mickey Mouse and his friends stayed culturally relevant by having their in-house television animation division come up with animated short films featuring the characters. Some would focus solely on Pluto getting the paper for Mickey, Minnie Mouse as a conductor in an orchestra and updated segments of Mickey, Donald and Goofy in various odd jobs. Some of my favorites were “Mickey To The Rescue” – Minnie has somehow been captured by Pete and it’s up to Mickey to save her by traversing through traps that Pete has set up. “Mickey Mouse Works” eventually became “House of Mouse” – essentially the same show but with new bookends featuring all of Disney’s animated characters under one nightclub roof. I remember these fondly, but I would rather see more original animated shorts put in front of theatrical films (ex. Goofy’s “How to Install a Home Theater System” in front of National Treasure: Book of Secrets).



The Weekenders
Gosh, was this show BORING! Granted, I was approximately 8 at the time, so the characters in the show didn’t really connect to me. I saw it as a Disney-styled rip-off of Nickelodeon’s “Rocket Power”: both shows involved a group of kids with their own sense of style who stray from the normal crowds. “TV Guide” erroneously claimed that “this show killed ‘Pokémon’”; although the series still has spinoffs currently on air, the main series that everyone remembers simply moved on. I think the idea of teenagers celebrating the weekend is a great idea, but it would probably work better in this case in live-action.



Teacher’s Pet
This show was pretty strange by Disney standards. A dog (with the voice of Nathan Lane) decides he wants more out of life and disguises himself as a schoolboy in class with his owner as a classmate. Original concept, to be sure, but I remember the show was trying to be too smart for its own good. It never really clung itself to me, aside from the basic concept and the dual character of Spot/Scott. Even this show got its own theatrical spinoff, but here’s where things get interesting – this was the film based on a Disney’s One Saturday Morning cartoon that got the best critical reviews, but it also received the worst box office reception. How that happened, I’ll never know.



Buzz Lightyear of Star Command
Pixar making a TV show sounding like a “too good to be true” scenario? Indeed it was as the greatest animation studio on the planet only contributed 30 seconds worth of CG animation to the show for its opening. The show was supposed to be the Toy Story universe’s inspiration for the character of Buzz Lightyear. There was a direct-to-video film with Tim Allen reprising his role of Buzz, but he was replaced by Joe Somebody co-star Patrick Warburton for the series. The show set up Buzz as a member of Star Command with his own team, the mystifying Mira Nova, the bumbling Booster and the hyperactive robot XR. Their adventures were widespread with reoccurring villains (of course, featuring the Evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance) and strange landscapes. Sadly, the show never really captured the fun of the actual Toy Story films and was canceled soon after. Still, if Pixar ever wanted to do a full-on CG-animated show (like DreamWorks Animation’s “The Penguins of Madagascar”), they are more than welcome in my book (and no, I don’t count “Mater’s Tall Tales” but “Toy Story Toons” is a step in the right direction).



Fillmore!
This was a show that nearly captured “Recess”-level of success, in my opinion. Cornelius Fillmore was once a kid on the wrong side of the middle-school law who was inducted into his school’s safety patrol and now fights for good. It’s a parody of shows like “Starsky & Hutch”, two good cops on the beat with over-the-top chase scenes. At times, I think it took itself a little too seriously; more to the point, the kids took their positions on safety patrol too seriously (they talk like they’re 40-years-old). I don’t know, my school never had a safety patrol (granted, it was a private school). Even so, I think “Fillmore!” is a pretty neat show with a great premise. A lot of the episodes are broken up into increments on YouTube, if you have time check ‘em out.



And that’s really all the shows I cared about on Disney’s One Saturday Morning. After 4 years, the block eventually became “ABC Kids” and aired more live-action programming until finally that block was canceled and was replaced with “Litton’s Weekend Adventure” with no cartoons and more of a politically-correct standpoint of “We need to teach your children about how to protect the wildlife and how to eat healthy foods.” To quote Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, “I weep for the future.” For a time, there was good cartoon programming on Disney’s One Saturday Morning – “five hours of summer once a week”.