SPACE JAM: Technical Foul

RETRO REVIEW

“We gotta get new agents. We’re getting screwed.”

- Daffy Duck (voice of Dee Bradley Baker), Space Jam

A long time ago... in the ‘90s... there was one athlete who could do no wrong. That gentleman was Chicago Bulls superstar Michael Jordan. The man took basketball to new heights of glory with his amazing skill and physicality. Naturally, everybody wants a piece of him and he became the most-promoted athlete of all time. He had endorsements for just about everything under the sun: men’s underwear, soft drinks, fast food hamburgers, hot dogs and, most famously, Air Jordan shoes.

One of these endorsements resulted in a popular Super Bowl commercial in which Jordan teams up in a basketball game with “Looney Tunes” star Bugs Bunny against Marvin the Martian. The spot was referred to as “Hare Jordan”. Jordan’s agent, David Falk, went to Warner Bros. Pictures (the corporate owners of the “Looney Tunes”) to convince them of the massively popular groundswell that this particular commercial generated. Desperate to generate their own Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the studio hired Ghostbusters director Ivan Reitman to produce the world’s first feature film inspired by a commercial.

The first thing Reitman did was hire the man behind the Super Bowl commercial, Joe Pytka. Pytka, a veteran of music videos and commercials, had directed only one other film prior: the Richard Dreyfuss gambling comedy Let It Ride. Reitman also contracted the animators it would take to bring this spectacle to life; rather than working at Warner Bros., the team found themselves at Universal where they had to endure the monotonous Jaws-themed tram tour stop right outside their door. As Roger Rabbit was the high watermark this new project was aiming for, Reitman called director Robert Zemeckis to ask his advice. Zemeckis replied, “Don’t do it. It nearly killed me.” Undeterred with the Academy Award-winner’s warning, Reitman hired the same visual effects supervisor of Roger Rabbit, Ed Jones, to do the same job for the film soon to be titled Space Jam.

The live-action portions of the film were shot first, bringing in real-life NBA stars and noted Chicago Bulls fan/Reitman alumni Bill Murray. The Looney Tune Land sequences where filmed with Jordan on a massive green screen stage working with actors in head-to-toe green onesies, playing the various Looney Tunes characters. In his contract, Jordan requested the studio build him his own basketball court near the soundstages, not only so he could practice for the film but also keep in shape for the upcoming NBA season. Of course, this drew a lot of attention at Warner Bros. and quite a few stars wanted to play against Jordan, most notably George Clooney.

This film was a huge gamble for Warner Bros., who were banking on both the likability of the world’s most famous athlete and the recognizability of their famed cartoon characters. An equation that included a relatively unknown director, a powerhouse producer, four (count ‘em, four) writers, Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes. What could possibly go wrong?

In the underground world of “Looney Tune Land”, the most famous cartoon characters have a close encounter with the “Nerd” kind: the weak-willed and diminutive aliens Nerdlucks, who come to issue an ultimatum - come work for their boss Swackhammer (voice of Danny De Vito) at his outer-space theme park or else. While the Tunes take their threat seriously, they don’t take the aliens themselves seriously; taking off on their stature, Bugs and company challenge them to a basketball game. The Nerdlucks have never heard of basketball, let alone play it, so they go to Earth to secretly steal the talents of the NBA’s top players; inadvertently causing a national crisis. They return to the Tunes as oversized basketball-playing behemoths dubbed the Monstars. Deciding that the odds need to be made even, the Tunes literally rope in the greatest basketball player alive, Michael Jordan (naturally as himself). There’s just one problem: Jordan retired himself from the game and now spends his days as a middling minor-league baseball player. But ultimately, Michael becomes embedded in their cause and the battle to save the Looney Tunes takes to the court.

Because this movie came out in the mid-‘90s (not to be confused with the Jonah Hill film of the same name), more than a few people of my generation love this movie more than life itself. And I must admit as a kid, I too was taken with it to the point where I had a makeshift Tune Squad shirt. But as I grew older and immersed myself in the classic Looney Tunes cartoons of Chuck Jones, Friz Freleng and Robert McKimson, I came to a conclusion: this movie is bad. It is so remarkably cheesy and cynical; made purely to merchandise and capitalize. The unrelenting rabid fanbase cannot see past their own nostalgia and understand that this is not how these characters should be depicted. Even Chuck Jones himself said that his Porky Pig would never admit to public urination.

The weakest part of the whole film for me is the main voice cast. Understandably, the shoes of Mel Blanc are impossible to fill. Ever since his death, there has been a revolving door of actors to play the main Looney Tunes characters. The one actor who comes the closest is Mel’s own son, Noel, who assisted his father in his later years with voiceover sessions and ended up developing a fairly accurate mimicry of his father’s characters. Noel was asked to play the majority of his father’s characters in Space Jam, but ultimately was replaced due to contract negotiations stalling out. Billy West and Dee Bradley Baker were cast in the roles of Bugs and Daffy, respectively. These two guys are among the cream of the crop of modern-day voice actors and have done and continue to do great work. However, they are wildly miscast here. Their voices just do not fit these two particular characters and they are the two main leads of the Looney Tunes, so they get the lion’s share of screen time.

One negative element about the film that I would actually like to defend is the performance of Michael Jordan. When critics pick apart this movie, they often cite Jordan as a terrible actor. That is quite unfair as, obviously, Jordan is not an actor by trade. Not only that but the man is playing himself! Sir Lawrence Olivier could not play Michael Jordan if he tried. Having said that, one of Jordan’s co-stars might have been better suited for the lead: the legendary Bill Murray as himself. Putting one of the world’s funniest actors around the world’s funniest cartoon characters should be a no-brained but the movie only brings Murray to Looney Tune Land at the end. He is easily the best part of the whole film and even has the funniest line, explaining how he got to the game (“Producer’s a friend of mine...”).

Space Jam is less a movie and more of a time capsule of what the ‘90s were. It emodied the crass commercialism that had invaded pop culture. Its story is ludicrous, its characters wildly misrepresented and it relies way too heavily on close-ups. Famed director Joe Dante, a dyed in the wool Looney Tunes fanatic, was given the opportunity to bring the characters back to the silver screen with his 2003 film Looney Tunes: Back in Action. Unfortunately, that film was built on the back of previously developed Space Jam sequels (i.e. Race Jam with NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon and Spy Jam with Jackie Chan). Due to Warners prioritizing the Matrix sequels over Back in Action, the film was a dismal failure at the box office and Dante has not directed a studio film since. In more recent years, Warner Bros. has developing a direct sequel to Space Jam, this time with modern NBA superstar LeBron James. Black Panther director Ryan Coogler will be stepping into the producing role that Ivan Reitman had for the original film. All I can say regarding this sequel sight unseen is Coogler is a smart and talented filmmaker and he certainly cannot possibly make the movie worse than the original.

UPDATE:

MONKEYBONE: Humorless George

NOTE: Sorry I've been gone for so long, several obligations have occurred and scheduling has been brutal. I'll try to keep more up-to-date postings as best I can.

RETRO REVIEW

"The woman I love is living with a little monkey that looks like me."

- Stu Miley (Brendan Fraser), Monkeybone

A long time ago... in the 1990s... there were two rising talents in Hollywood. One was a master of stop-motion animation: Henry Selick, the acclaimed director behind The Nightmare Before Christmas and James and the Giant Peach (both produced by Tim Burton). The other was an actor who had enough charisma and likability to beat the band: Brendan Fraser, star of such dramas as With Honors and School Ties as well as family-friendly comedies like George of the Jungle and Dudley Do-Right (oh, and the now defunct Mummy movies). 

These two men had no reason to work with each other; that is, until, they both came across the underground graphic novel "Dark Town". Sensing a chance to follow in the footsteps of The Mask by turning a dark and gritty comic book into a broad mainstream comedy, 20th Century Fox and producer Chris Columbus (best known for the first two Home Alone films and Harry Potter films and despised for - among others - Rent, I Love You Beth Cooper and Pixels) hired Selick to direct, Batman (1989) writer Sam Hamm to pen the screenplay (and has apparently since retired) and Fraser to headline the film. Selick would bring his expert team of stop-motion animators to bring the renamed Downtown to life. But in the initial graphic novel, there was no sidekick for the protagonist to bounce off with; a necessary ingredient for the buddy comedy Columbus and Fox wanted. What they got was an annoying little chimp voiced by John Turturro with the name Monkeybone.

Stu Miley (Fraser) is an up-and-coming cartoonist and his beloved creation, "Monkeybone" is about to be turned into a cultural phenomenon with a cartoon series with toys and other merchandise galore. This is both a blessing and a curse. Stu wants to propose to his longtime girlfriend, Julie (Bridget Fonda, in her final major theatrical film appearance) and now has the clout to do it, but he is uncomfortable with the fame and adulation that will inevitably come with the "Monkeybone" deal. Unfortunately, Stu and Julie get into a car accident that leaves Stu in a coma. In his mind, Stu has arrived at the macabre Downtown where nightmares are the inhabitants' sole source of entertainment. He comes across Monkeybone as a living breathing incarnation, who begins to annoy him ceaselessly. Stu desperately wants to go home, but in order to do so, he requires an "exit pass" from Death herself (Whoopi Goldberg). After retrieving one, Monkeybone betrays Stu, abandons him to be captured by Death's army and commandeers his body in the real world in order to give Downtown new sets of nightmares by hijacking Monkeybone dolls with fear toxin. Now Stu has to escape Downtown and reclaim his life before Monkeybone makes monkey business for the world.

This is a fairly terrible movie. It is all over the place when it comes to things that matter: story, characters, motivations, dialogue, tonal shifts, set design, etc. Somehow Brendan Fraser seems more cartoonish here than he did actually playing two different cartoon characters. Everyone else in this film looks embarrassed to be a part of it. Especially Rose McGowan who plays a character named Miss Kitty (the most likable character in the film) who I swear was invented to cater to the fandom that would soon become known as furries. The whole look of the film is just plain ugly. There is making charming, quirky and weird stop-motion animation but trying to realize that in a live-action setting is disturbing to an unnatural level. To add to the oddities are the cameos. Selick is good friends with the geniuses at Pixar and a few of their folks appear in the film: Lou Romano (Linguini in Ratatouille) plays a trigger-happy cop near the end of the film and the late Joe Ranft (Heimlich the Caterpillar from A Bug's Life) plays the voice of a street-squashed rabbit. Even Harry Knowles, the geek king of Ain't It Cool News, appears briefly in a scene and even he hated the film upon release. They tried to offer the character of Stephen King to the actual Stephen King, who was apparently up for doing the part but could not make it to the set. Monkeybone is most likely the second worst film released in 2001; the top spot obviously going to Tom Green's Dadaist take on his hatred of Adam Sandler films,  Freddy Got Fingered.

Once a person sees a film like this, the question naturally asked is "Who's to blame?" (pitchforks and torches sold separately). While promoting the 2008 family action movie Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D (his last majorly successful film appearance), Brendan Fraser seemed to be in good spirits and had this to say to the AV Club:

"You're talking to a guy who was in an $85 million arthouse movie called Monkeybone. Love it or hate it, it had a lot of highly technical elements to it. There was puppeteering, there was claymation, there was CGI, there were huge setpieces. I don't know what happened, they gave the keys to the inmates of the asylum. We went nutty and we made a movie. The studio saw it and went, 'Huh?' I was like, 'You guys don't watch the dailies or read the script? Whatever, here you go!' Me and [co-star] Dave Foley were like, 'We have the dubious honor of being in the world's most expensive arthouse film ever created!'"

As for Henry Selick, his career fortunately rebounded with the better-received Coraline (and is supposedly working on another stop-motion film with Keanu stars Keegan Michael-Key and Jordan Peele). But, in a separate interview with the AV Club, he vented his frustrations with the proverbial monkey on his back:

"It's very hard to know with Monkeybone what the variables were. There was a regime change when I was at Fox. There's a longer version of the film. When Hollywood gets afraid of something, they just say, 'Make it go faster.' Usually, faster isn't better. So there's another version of the film that's about 15 minutes longer. I know that it works better. We had a different lead originally, and that probably would have had an impact —Ben Stiller was the lead, but he wanted to bring in writers, and I chose to be loyal to the writer that was on it. It actually would have been better to go with Ben and his writers. There's a lot of variables looking back, what-ifs. But who knows. I learned my lesson that in the live-action world, you have to earn the support of people over a very, very long time. And in animation, I already have the support."

But in another interview, Selick seems to lay the blame with producer Chris Columbus:

"I would never do another predominantly live-action film again. It was kind of a slippery slope. The original idea for Monkeybone was meant to be far more animation, as much as James and the Giant Peach, and the powerful producer that I hooked up with, he had his own take on it and, you know, if you’re getting a name actor, you have to keep him in the whole movie. And he loves stop-motion, but we couldn’t actually afford to do that sort of Ray Harryhausen combo for a big chunk, so…no, the culture of live-action that’s all focused on one shot, it’s just not my realm. I’m much happier in the animated realm."

At the end of the day, as refreshing as it is to hear about the behind-the-scenes aspects of what went wrong with a project and Henry Selick certainly seems to have learned from his mistakes, Monkeybone is still such a wild misfire of a film. It is too weird be a mainstream comedy, it is too bawdy to be a kids' film and yet it is also too juvenile to be taken seriously as an adult film. If a movie that thinks it is a crowd-pleasing movie fails to have a crowd, does it really please? To paraphrase Roger Ebert's review of Freddy Got Fingered, "The day may come when Monkeybone is seen as a milestone of neo-surrealism. The day may never come when it is seen as funny." Brendan Fraser's career has seemed to be lost to time. If he ever decides to return to mainstream moviemaking, he would do well to avoid projects like Monkeybone. Fool us once, shame on us. Fool us twice, shame on you. 

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON MOVIE FILM FOR THEATERS: Rated R for Ridiculous

RETRO REVIEW

In the late '90s, Cartoon Network was the king of edgey cartoons that could still appeal to a family-friendly audience (for instance: "Ed, Edd 'n Eddy" - three children practicing to become con artists, "Dexter's Laboratory" - a little boy who stays in his room all day long and has a pretty big secret that he keeps from his parents, "Johnny Bravo" - a buff womanizer trying to pick up women and "Courage the Cowardly Dog" - a dog protecting his often-neglectful owners from frightening horrors... among others). But when MTV started animated shows like "Beavis & Butt-Head", they had to come up with something new: an entire block of cartoons that would appeal to older teenagers. To start it off, they created a new talk show out of a very old character, "Space Ghost Coast to Coast"; the idea being that the famous cartoon character would interview celebrities (who often spoke to a guy in a "Space Ghost" costume and most likely never knew they were being talked to for a TV show). One episode involved country music superstar Willie Nelson, but its biggest impact would be in three other guest stars. Space Ghost, in the episode, had racked up a pretty big bill for a local restaurant and settling the debt meant the three mascots of said restaurant would show up: Master Shake, Frylock and Meatwad. They caused chaos and unsettled Space Ghost enough that he eventually left the show in the middle of "broadcast". The episode's script was so strange and nonsensical it didn't air (or even get animated) until years later. But something about these characters struck a cord with Mike Rizzo, the head of [adult swim] (the moniker that Cartoon Network eventually created for its late-night programming). He employed Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro (two of "Space Ghost"'s head writers) to come up with a series involving said characters.

What the world got was "Aqua Teen Hunger Force", a cartoon that rivaled "Seinfeld"'s famous declaration that it was "a series about nothing". Maiellaro said in an interview with the AV Club, "We get to do things nobody else would let us do." And yet, [adult swim] viewers thought it was hysterical. The show followed no real formula: in the first season, it was said that the Aqua Teens were detectives facing off against monsters/strange creatures sent by the criminally insane mad scientist Dr. Weird and his reluctantly loyal assistant Steve (both voiced by C. Martin Croker). This was quickly dropped as Willis and Maiellaro lost interest. The plots soon began to revolve around the antics of the vain and egotistical Master Shake (voice of Dana Snyder), the experiments of the remarkably intelligent Frylock (voice of Carey Means) and the playfulness of the impressionable Meatwad (voice of Willis); they all live in a "third-world hellhole" in South Jersey next door to the slothful and lovably repugnant Carl Brutananadilewski (voice of Willis) who hates his neighbors and loves the band Boston (and other '80s hair rock bands). Often the Aqua Teens would come into contact with villains such as the Mooninites (two 8-bit video game characters) who try to scam them, MC Pee Pants (a dead rapper who keeps returning to the land of the living under different animal disguises voiced by mc chris), the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future (a time-traveling robot with an addiction to telling "severely long" stories) and the Plutonians (two dumb aliens out to conquer the universe if only they knew where to start). The show was famous for its non-sequitur endings (each episode is only 11 minutes long) and often Carl would end up dead. Still, viewership continued to rise and "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" quickly became a cult favorite.

[adult swim] fans were overjoyed when it was announced that an actual theatrical film based on "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" was heading to theaters. The only film to come from a Cartoon Network show prior to this was The Powerpuff Girls Movie. In adapting an 11-minute cartoon to a feature-length film, Maiellaro and Willis decided to finally tell the Aqua Teen's origin story. In their own ways, naturally. And without network censors, that meant a lot more swearing, sex jokes and comedic depravity than ever before.

NOTE: This is not the actual ATHF:MFFT trailer, but one of my own creation. 

The Aqua Teens come into possession of a mysterious piece of gym equipment known as the Insanoflex. However, they cannot do anything with it without the final piece of its puzzling mechanics. Their neighbor Carl naturally offers no help, so the Aqua Teens set off on a journey to find the missing piece. Meanwhile, in space, the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future (voice of Maiellaro) teams up with the Plutonians, the passive Emory (voice of Mike Schatz) and the short-tempered Oglethorpe (voice of Andy Merrill), to prevent the Insanoflex from being put together as it could set off the end of the world. As the Aqua Teens travel, Frylock begins to have nightmares about his creation at the hands of Dr. Weird and comes to suspect there may be more to the story than he thought. 

Naturally, the audiences seeing the film who hadn't seen the series were repulsed. Some were calling it the latest Dadaist piece of cinema since Tom Green's Freddy Got Fingered; a movie essentially designed to trick people looking for a comedy into seeing something surreal and disquieting to make them think more about themselves and the world around them. Methinks such critics were reading waaaaaay too much into it. It's utterly stupid, yes, but there is worthwhile entertainment in it. Of course, [adult swim] sent Carl out to encourage fans to see the film in theaters and not listen to negative criticism.

The film's random humor is hit and miss, but so much hit than miss. It goes to show how well the jokes fly in a shorter setting than over an hour. A cameo by Bruce Campbell as the lost member of the Aqua Teens,  Surprisingly, the film actually made it onto the shortlist of nominees for Best Animated Feature in 2008. Not surprisingly, it didn't make the final list. But I'm sure if one asked Willis and Maiellaro, they'd definitely say it was a success. A sequel was bandied about for years, to be titled Death Fighter, involving the return and subsequent revenge of Dr. Weird. It never came to be as the series was brought to a close by the network in 2015, against the creators' desires. Supposedly, the heads of [adult swim] wanted to move on from the show that had been running since the programming block's debut. 

While I do believe the creators are sincere in their declaration of the series actually being over and that it is not part of some elaborate hoax, it is quite a testament to how things will be different now at [adult swim]. There'll be original programming, like the ever-popular "Rick & Morty", but it won't have that in-house feel to it. "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" was the last of the old guard, the final cornerstone of what gave birth to a counter-cultural phenomenon - which included 13 seasons, a feature film, a PS2 video game, a Boston bomb scare and even a holiday music album. Sure it's not nearly as historical as "South Park" or "The Simpsons", but from where it was, it had a good run and left behind an indelible mark of adult-brand silliness that few will ever forget. 

And now... just for fun... my favorite Aqua Teen Hunger Force episodes (random order, just how they'd like it).

"Balloonenstein"
"Space Conflict from Beyond Pluto"
"Super Bowl"
"The Clowning"
"Unremarkable Voyage"
"Gee Whiz"
"T-Shirt of the Dead"
"Carl"
"Intervention"
"Last Dance for Napkin Lad"
"Chicken & Beans"
"Total Re-Carl"
"The Cloning"

MR. DEEDS: Frank Capra Meets Adam Sandler

NOTE: Just in time for Pixels.

RETRO REVIEW

Poor Adam Sandler. (Just hold on, I’m going somewhere with this.) After leaving “Saturday Night Live”, the gates of stardom opened and he began making hit after hit, all comedies of course: Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy and Big Daddy. He threw in the occasional drama; most notably the critically acclaimed Punch-Drunk Love, directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. But somewhere along the way, Sandler seemed to settle into making crude, ill-humored cheap fare where he can prance around the screen in goofy voices screaming gibberish. Oh, sure, he did all of that and more from Billy Madison to Big Daddy, but there was a point when it just got increasingly irritating to people. Some might say he’s squandering his talent in filth like Jack and Jill and all the schlocky movies he even parodied in fake trailers made for Judd Apatow’s Funny People. So if he gets why people don’t like him, why does he keep making what they don’t like?

From multiple accounts, Sandler is said to be one of the nicest guys working in movies today. If you’re his friend, you’re more likely to get in one of his movies, or even star in one. Sandler has moved away from movies portraying him as the goofy slacker with a temper towards more of a bewildered father figure in more recent flicks like Blended. He’s found meager success in voicing Count Dracula in Hotel Transylvania and will return in this year’s Hotel Transylvania 2. Many are expressing hope that Pixels will be better than his typical films. But way back when, Sandler was just at the tip of the hate iceberg. He made a film that few talk about today; surprising, considering it crosses both hatred of Sandler and remakes. Especially remaking a Frank Capra movie!

Dead from irrationally climbing Mount Everest, billionaire Preston Blake (Harve Presnell) leaves behind a massive media empire that desperately needs an heir to keep afloat. The company’s two top men Chuck Cedar (Peter Gallagher) and Cecil Anderson (Erick Avari) are sent to Mandrake Falls, New Hampshire after research discovers the closest living relative to Blake: greeting card writer Longfellow Deeds (Adam Sandler). Deeds is a nice enough guy, willing to help anyone with a smile and a cheerful heart. When Cedar and Anderson tell Deeds of his heritage, he agrees to go with them to New York to earn his inheritance but mostly to find a woman to fall in love with. This gets the attention of entertainment reporter Babe Bennett (Winona Ryder) who decides to disguise herself as simple nurse Pam Dawson to accompany Deeds, solely to write stories for her boss, Mac McGrath (Jared Harris). She soon realizes Deeds isn’t the country bumpkin everyone has been led to believe and slowly starts to fall for him.

One might be surprised to find that this film actually does reference to the original Capra film, Mr. Deeds Goes to Town. The town of Mandrake Falls and the little poem under its Welcome sign, Deeds and company making echoes in a cavernous room, the names Babe Bennett, Dawson and Cedar, sliding down the stairs, Deeds telling a bunch of high class bullies, “If it wasn’t for Miss Dawson being here, I’d probably knock your heads in,” and Deeds wanting to save a damsel in distress are all nods to the original. Sure, Sandler will never be Gary Cooper, but that’s more reverential than most remakes of this day and age.

Don’t get me wrong, this movie has the same goofy voices and weird gross out humor (Deeds has a black, frost-bitten foot and we’re forced to watch one of McGrath’s henchmen soap his butt). But the heart of Capra still seems to come through, if only through the lens of Sandler. You feel happy for Deeds when he’s happy, sad for Babe when she’s sad, and mad with Deeds when he’s mad. Capra’s film climaxed with Deeds’ sanity being called into question. Sandler’s film wisely skirts this issue (because who wouldn’t believe he’s crazy) in favor of Deeds making a long speech at the end about not giving up on childhood dreams. It’s a nice speech, but a little out of place in this movie.

Capra’s film led to a spiritual sequel, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (more famous than either Deeds film). It’s unlikely anyone – even Adam Sandler – will remake Smith (except Mel Gibson who did it once on “The Simpsons”). But for all its typical Sandler humor, Mr. Deeds has just a little something more that outshines his current work. Maybe it’s because less raunchy than most comedies today that rely on sex and drug jokes; if you took ‘em out, those movies would only be 20 minutes long. One would hope that Capra would have recognized the soul of his film in the depths of this 2002 movie.

THE RUNDOWN: Dwayne of the Jungle

NOTE: Just in time for San Andreas.

RETRO REVIEW

Dwayne Johnson has got to be one of the most amazing rising star stories of the past decade. One of the faces of the WWE, Johnson at first appeared on television shows to play to his wrestling career: playing his own father, Rocky Johnson, on "That '70s Show" and an alien wrestler called The Champion on "Star Trek: Voyager". Not to say there haven't been successful wrestlers-turned-actors like John Cena (The Marine, 12 Rounds), "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (John Carpenter's They Live), Jesse Ventura (Predator, The Running Man and Demolition Man), Andre the Giant (Conan the Destroyer and The Princess Bride) and of course, Hulk Hogan (Rocky III). But what makes Johnson a superstar today unlike these guys? Perhaps it's his ability to appeal to all ages: family films for the little kids, PG-13 comedies for teenagers or nonstop action movies for adults. Let's go back to where it all started: his first starring role - outside of The Mummy franchise - in Peter Berg's The Rundown.

Reluctantly, Beck flies down to South America where he happens upon the oppressed, gold-mining village run by a guy named Hatcher (Christopher Walken). It's here at a local bar in the village where he learns that Travis is a motormouth smartaleck who's desperate to find a fabled artifact that he can cash in with. Immediately antagonizing Beck, Travis is about to be almost literally dragged to the airport, when Hatcher steps in the bar and says Travis isn't going anywhere until he finds the artifact so he can take it from him.

Beck and Travis manage to escape Hatcher's clutches. On their drive back, Travis refuses to shut up. He eventually causes Beck to crash their Jeep in the middle of the jungle. Forced to go on foot, Beck and Travis bicker constantly until they stumble upon the rebel group led by the town's bartender, Mariana (Rosario Dawson). She knows what Travis is looking for, but wants it to buy her and her village out from under Hatcher's control. Forming an uneasy trio, the three head into the jungle to find Travis' precious artifact to take down Hatcher so Beck can take Travis home.

Let's get this out of the way: Seann William Scott is impossibly annoying in this. Not Tom Green-levels fortunately, but this character was written to be nothing but unlikable. His character serves no purpose to the story other than to be Dwayne Johnson's reason for going down to South America and to be his sidekick. It's not surprising that Scott has gotten less and less parts as the years go by - his last major theatrical live-action appearances being Kevin Smith's Cop Out and American Reunion. I know a lot of people will point to Goon being one of his finest performances, so I will concede I may be out of line.

On the other hand, Dwayne Johnson - for someone who didn't have that much acting expierence - actually does really well in his first starring role. He creates this character, Beck, with a character being a big strong guy who really really wants to be nice, but can be pushed to his limits. Beck's a no-nonsense guy with a single-minded determination but has a heart of gold and a strong sense of right and wrong. Let's be honest, Johnson will never be a leading man of the caliber of Tom Hanks or Robert De Niro, but nobody's asking him to be. He has his own charisma and charm. In addition to the punching. A lot of action movie fans point to this movie as to how Dwayne Johnson basically became the Schwarzenegger of the 21st century. Specifically this scene:

This film was Peter Berg's sophomore effort and it launched his career into the stratosphere. Since then, he's had hits - like Friday Night Lights (the film and subsequent television series) and Lone Survivor - and misses - like Hancock and Battleship. For years, he's talked about re-teaming with Dwayne Johnson to do a Rundown 2 teaming Johnson with another actor to keep things fresh (i.e. not Seann William Scott). After seeing the misses, it'd be really good for Berg to get back to basics with a new Rundown. And Dwayne Johnson's only getting hotter. As an actor.

SCOOBY-DOO AND THE RELUCTANT WEREWOLF: Shaggy Gets Shaggier

RETRO REVIEW

As previously mentioned last week, Hanna-Barbera launched a series of syndicated films called the "Hanna-Barbera Superstars 10". To briefly recap, in the '80s, Hanna-Barbera was struggling to stay topical with the Saturday morning generation, so they made the "Superstars 10" films to bring back their original characters for a new audience. However, bringing characters from the '60s forward twenty years is a fairly difficult prospect. Especially one that has so many incarnations like Scooby-Doo.

"Scooby-Doo, Where are You?" began airing in September 1969. It was instantly popular although formulaic in plot: every episode managed to end with the creature/ghost/monster that Mystery Inc. was chasing to be none other than a disturbed and disgruntled adult intoning the now infamous phrase: "And I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!" Two years later, another series followed called "The New Scooby-Doo Mysteries" that featured real-life celebrities (more often than not, voiced by their actual counterparts). It launched the characters even more into pop culture (oddly enough, the theme song of the show managed to make its way into the background of David Fincher's Zodiac).


But by the '80s, Scooby had been having some trouble maintaining his popularity. The series "The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo" attempted to have a darker tone with the ghosts being real manifestations rather than crooks in sheets. They even managed to procure the legendary Vincent Price to perform the voice of Vincent Van Ghoul, a benevolent sorcerer who tasks Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne, Scooby's nephew Scrappy and a young pickpocket named Flim-Flam to recapture 13 of the world's most terrifying ghosts who were imprisoned in a Chest of Demons after Shaggy and Scooby were tricked into opening it. Still, the show was canceled after - naturally - 13 episodes. But Scooby would become an integral part of the "Superstars 10" series with a trilogy of films: Scooby-Doo and the Boo Brothers, Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School and the one I've decided to talk about today: Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf.


Count Dracula (voice of Hamilton Camp) is readily organizing the annual Monster Road Rally in Transylvania which gathers together the world's most famous monsters in a race for fabulous prizes (at least as defined by the monsters themselves). He's dismayed to find that the Werewolf has retired and skipped town to Florida. Now he has to come up with a new werewolf who has a talent for racing. He stumbles upon Shaggy Norville Rogers (voice of Casey Kasem). Shaggy - who lives with Scooby (voice of Don Messick), Scrappy (Messick) and a girlfriend we haven't heard about until now, Googie (voice of B.J. Ward) - is now a professional race car driver. Little does he realize that he is being stalked by Dracula's gruesome twosome henchmen, The Hunch Bunch. After a few unsuccessful attempts, they finally are able to turn Shaggy into a werewolf. They then kidnap him and the gang and take him to Transylvania. Upon arriving, Shaggy makes Dracula promise to change him back to normal if he wins the race. Dracula "agrees" and gives Shaggy a new car to race with, the Wolf-Wagon. If Shaggy can just survive the Rally, he'll go home but Dracula won't make it easy for him.

I'm happy that Shaggy finally gets a central role in a Scooby-Doo adventure. He's my favorite character and I loved his '80s red shirt. This premise sounds decent, but it quickly descends into a knockoff of "Wacky Races". I have nothing against "Wacky Races", but there's a better series of situations one could get into based on the Reluctant Werewolf title. And Scrappy-Doo is a horrible character. Speaking of characters, who is Googie? Since when does Shaggy have a girlfriend? She doesn't show up anywhere else but this movie.

All in all, Reluctant Werewolf isn't an unwatchable film by any means, but it simply does not take advantage of what could be a great story. Scooby-Doo is a franchise that suffers from overexposure. Let's take a few years off of anything Scooby-Doo related and then bring the character back.

THE JETSONS MEET THE FLINTSTONES: Yabba-Dabba To the Future

RETRO REVIEW

In the late ‘50s, William Hanna and Joseph Barbera – two former MGM animators – struck out on their own and established their own animation studio aptly named after them. Throughout the next decade, they would create numerous classic characters that the world immediately fell in love with: Scooby-Doo, Yogi Bear and Top Cat, to name just a few. However, they made history when, in 1960, they created the world’s first animated television sitcom, “The Flintstones”. By establishing that the problems with modern technology had occurred way back in pre-historic Bedrock, Hanna and Barbera were able to make jokes about televisions, automobiles and other contemporary contrivances. Audiences tuned in to see what mishap best friends Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble had gotten themselves into this time. In the six years it was on the air, it became a piece of Americana.

Hanna and Barbera decided to repeat their success two years later with one major difference: take the setting out of the Stone Age and into the (then far-off) 21^st Century. The result was “The Jetsons”. The humor from that show also partly stemmed from technology, but from a different point-of-view – in the future, humans can still be inept of the very things that are supposed to make our lives easier. Though the show never reached the historic heights of “The Flintstones”, it was still regarded fairly well.

However, in the next two decades, Hanna and Barbera soon learned that trying to repeat your successes far too often leads you into an overproduction of content and a lesser quality. In trying to recapture their success with the core characters they created, the two began a series of specially-made syndicated films called the “Hanna-Barbera Superstars 10”: a Yogi Bear trilogy (Yogi’s Great Escape, Yogi Bear and the Magical Flight of the Spruce Goose, Yogi Bear and the Invasion of the Space Bears), a Scooby-Doo trilogy (Scooby-Doo and the Boo Brothers, Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School, Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf) and then other features like Top Cat and the Beverly Hills Cats, The Good, the Bad and Huckleberry Hound and Rockin’ with Judy Jetson. But the one I’m gonna talk about today brought their two iconic families together for the only time ever: The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones.

Though they are centuries apart, both George Jetson (voice of George O’Hanlon) and Fred Flintstone (voice of Henry Corden) have been having the same kind of problems. All they want is a simple getaway from their troubles. Meanwhile, Elroy Jetson (voice of Daws Butler) has built a time machine and plans to take the family on a trip to the 25^th century. Due to a mishap, they are instead sent back in time to the Stone Age, right where the Flintstones and Rubbles happen to be camping. When Elroy determines that it might take a while to get the time machine repaired, the Flintstones agree to help them blend in to prehistoric society. Elroy finally does get the time machine to work again, but this time it accidentally sends the Flintstones and Rubbles into the future, stranding them in the past. Now that they are both wildly out of their elements, the two groups must learn about their new surroundings and try and get back home.

This is a concept that should have gotten a theatrical release (unlike that horrible The Man Called Flintstone movie). But for what we got, syndication was the best plan. A couple of polishes at the script and it could have been really something. The story takes a while to get going but just as we get to the titular meeting, the story take s a long detour in trying to get Fred and Barney’s job back in a rather underhanded way by Fred in getting George to use his future technology to cheat. I don’t know what’s worse: having Fred being a no-good scoundrel in using George or George allowing Fred to take advantage of his technology. Their efforts matter little as Fred and Barney still lose.

One of my least favorite cartoon characters is Judy Jetson. I have little to no sympathy for this character. In every appearance, she’s either going on and on about some boy she just met or crying her eyes out because of some boy she just broke up with. I’d rather not use a certain word to describe such behavior, but she fits the description. I don’t blame her voice actress, Janet Waldo, for the unlikeable characterization but the writers (and whoever made the horrible business decision to replace her with Tiffany for Jetsons: The Movie).

But, all in all, this is what Hanna-Barbera fans have been wanting for years and finally got. Their two favorite families getting to meet. I’m glad it didn’t turn out to be just a dream of Fred’s (like the earlier episode where the Green Gazoo actually transported the Flintstones and Rubbles to a pre-Jetsons Orbit City) and that clearly H&B cared about their characters. Unfortunately, neither man is alive today, but they left behind a long legacy that won’t be soon forgotten by those who enjoyed  and continue to enjoy what they brought to the world. 

PHENOMENON: This Is Your Brain On Stupid

RETRO REVIEW

Note: SPOILERS! You know the drill. - Zack

I'm gonna go ahead and say it: I flat-out hate Phenomenon. And it actually has nothing to do with John Travolta. I think the guy's a decent actor... in most things (excluding, of course, the inexcusable Old Dogs and Battlefield Earth). For instance, no one but him could play Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction and it's sad that Tarantino never made his "The Vega Brothers" movie with Vic (from Reservoir Dogs) and Vincent. But this shocking schmaltz I'm writing about today -- with a complete cop-out ending -- is pathetic and annoying. To top off the irritation, it's actually directed by a talented guy named Jon Turteltaub -- who made Cool Runnings (widely regarded as one of the most popular and beloved '90s Disney films), While You Were Sleeping (an inoffensive cutesy romance), Disney's The Kid (my review here), the National Treasure films (#1 great, #2 ehh), The Sorcerer's Apprentice (better than it looks) and the upcoming Last Vegas (The Hangover... with old guys). For the first time in a long while, I'm ready to rip into a movie. Won't you join me?

George Malley (John Travolta) is your average, ordinary, everyday car mechanic in the small town of NameNotAnnounced. He pals around with Nate Pope (Forest Whitaker), a guy obsessed with making contact with Diana Ross via CB radio. George has a thing for a local woman named Lace Pinnamin (Kyra Sedgwick), who has two children. He and his friends are out celebrating his 37th birthday at a local bar. He steps outside and sees a bright light that knocks him to the ground. He runs back inside to tell everyone what happened but no one believes him. Within hours, George has been changed. His intelligence has been heightened which allows him to do things he's never been able to before: understand Morse Code, build a better rabbit trap, become fluent in another language and even manages to develop telekinetic abilities. Of course, the townspeople -- with the exception of Doc Brunder (Robert Duvall) -- become frightened by George, despite his insistence that he's still the same guy. Lace and her children soon to begin to warm up to him. At the same time, the US government discovers what George can do and wants to study him. George wants to avoid becoming a freak while pursuing his relationship with Lace. However, the true nature of the origin of George's abilities threatens to tear them apart.

Ok, what's wrong with this flick? For one thing, it's a waste of a decent premise. Charly, a 1968 film starring the late great Cliff Robertson (“Uncle Ben” of Spider-Man fame), featured the titular normal guy with below average intelligence who undergoes an experimental surgery that allows him to expand his mind. In the process, he loses his kindness and becomes an aggressive jerk. The effects of the surgery soon fade and Charly reverts back to his former self. The moral of the story is that no matter what, stay who you are. Phenomenon appears to follow this moral, but the only thing wrong with is that George is TOO nice. He’s not mentally handicapped like Charly was, so you don’t feel any remorse for the character who was lost after the change. One could argue – like Robert Duvall in the film – that George never changed and that the townspeople are treating him differently because of their fears.

Speaking of which, the townspeople are almost a Frankenstein-style “torches and pitchforks” crowd in nature. They’re really not open to somebody experiencing a massive change like this? To a potential breakthrough in science? Well, gosh, why not just set this movie in the South? (Note: I’m from the South, I love the South – except for the slavery and racism, that’s wrong) Frankly, George doesn’t help matters as when he wants to people to accept him, he keeps doing weird stuff. Why not just go out and have a drink like you normally do? Smart people don’t have to ACT smart all the time. They can kick back and relax if they wanted to.

Now I have to get to the thing I despise most about the movie: its ridiculous third act. After George passes out at a meet-and-greet, he wakes up in a hospital. Doc Brunder tells him that the source of all his new abilities is actually a tumor that, for some reason, has been fueling George’s brain power instead of deteriorating it. George realizes it is slowly killing him. George becomes more philosophical, spouting off feel-good nonsense to whoever’s around. He and Lace – of course – get together and he dies in her arms. And that’s the end. Credits roll. Everybody leaves confused and disappointed.

Let me pitch you a better version of Phenomenon. Cause it’s kind of pointless for me to whine and complain about a movie that I think could be redone better. George Malley gains these powers. He, at first, is mystified by them. Then, through practice, he is able to help others in his town – fixing cars with a single touch, becoming a last-minute substitute teacher and helping out local businesses. The townspeople are not sure what to make of it initially. But then, they begin to take advantage of George by having him use his powers for things they can do themselves. Frustrated, he turns to Lace who tells him he needs to go away for a while so the town realizes what life is like without him. Together, they go off and fall in love with each other. When they return, the townspeople are remorseful that they treated him so badly. George does not die but becomes a full-time teacher. Simple, no theoretical bologna. 

Many people believe that Phenomenon is actually somewhat of a Scientology recruiting video. A writer for Entertainment Weekly complied a list of comparisons between the film and a sacred Scientology doctrine. I'm not sure the movie is written well enough to recruit anyone to anything. Other than they might sign up for the nut house. This movie is so dumb. Its characters are either unlikable or annoying, the plot is flimsy at best and resorts to the worst third-act Hail Mary one can think of. I've studied this Phenomenon so you can avoid it. Unless you wanna watch it on YouTube in its entirety for free. You look it up, I'm not posting it here.

DISNEY'S THE KID: Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday

RETRO REVIEW

What would you do if you happened to bump into the younger version of yourself? Would you ask them about times gone by? Would you ask what it's like to be in the future? Or would you suffer a nervous breakdown? Bruce Willis, in his Walt Disney Pictures debut, is about to confront his past in order to face his future in Disney's The Kid. The family fantasy comedy-drama film, directed by Jon Turteltaub (the National Treasure films, The Sorcerer's Apprentice) features former child actor Spencer Breslin (brother to Academy Award-nominee Abigail), Emily Mortimer (The Pink Panther films, Shutter Island, Hugo) Lily Tomlin (Ponyo, A Prairie Home Companion) and Jean Smart (Youth in Revolt, Sweet Home Alabama).


Russ Duritz is a man who likes to keep to himself. He travels all around the country as an image consultant to high-priced clients including governors and baseball stadium owners. All the while, he carries around an insensitive, condescending, sarcastic attitude. He even keeps count of the times he is called a jerk daily. His longtime doting assistant (Emily Mortimer), Amy, and his put-upon secretary (Lily Tomlin), Janet, endure dealing with him. Amy confesses that the only way she can be around him is when he does something fun and unexpected, "...and I get the tiniest, briefest glimpse of the kid in you". When he goes home, he begins seeing a young boy running around his house. The next night, he finally figures out who it is - his 8-year-old self from 1960: Rusty Duritz (Spencer Breslin). Initially terrified and believing that he is losing his mind, Russ realizes that he is stuck with his child self. Russ is willing to do anything to send Rusty away, until he deduces that Rusty was sent forward into time in order to learn something. Together, the old Russ and the young Rusty begin to find something in each other they never knew they had.

 

I give credit to Bruce Willis, this was at the time where he was globally known as John McClane. He even had his own short-lived Saturday morning cartoon, "Bruno the Kid". Doing a cutesy Disney movie should be a great career move, right? Well, it didn't have much of an impact on his career; he did Unbreakable in the same year (reteaming him with future Hollywood leper M. Night Shyamalan), which is a darn good movie. But still, too much sugary sweetness in a movie drives you mad, and this movie is full of it. It's not an awful, unwatchable movie by any means, but seasoned film viewers will find no taste in it. The time travel goes mostly unexplained, though one could say the same for the other use of time in Groundhog Day. A lot of the supporting cast goes somewhat underused in the film, though its focus on Russ/Rusty isn't interrupted in ways other films might. There is a section of the film that goes from happy to overtly dramatic in seconds and it's not quite handled properly. There is a payoff for it, but it's relatively weak. The movie is essentially a modern-day "A Christmas Carol", but not set at Christmas; it's your typical "humbug learns a lesson" story. So you can already see where it's headed.

Still, if you're a nostalgic Disney geek like me, you could do worse than The Kid. It has some nice moments and a good Bruce Willis performance. Spencer Breslin does test your patience at times, but give him a break, it was his first movie. You can't always expect greatness from a debut performance. I love the score of the film by Marc Shaiman, especially the cue going through the opening credits. Perhaps admitting I'm a nostalgic Disney geek makes me biased, but The Kid has some heart and humor and that's good enough for me.

NOTE: Interestingly enough, Bruce Willis has a new movie out soon with a similar premise, but most certainly without The Kid's family-friendly tone. The movie is Rian Johnson's Looper, and co-stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emily Blunt, Jeff Daniels, Paul Dano and Piper Perabo. Set for release on September 28th, here's the trailer. - Zack