The Nostalgia Critic Returns!

Note: SPOILER-- oh, who cares, it's already in the title. Read on. 'Cause this one's a doozy. - Zack

You may remember when I posted about the Nostalgia Critic aka Doug Walker way back in September of last year. I was sad that he was gone, but remained cautiously optimistic about the future of Channel Awesome and grateful for a great library of reviews that can be revisited anytime.

We, like Doug, moved on. He and his brother Rob created a new show that they had wanted to do for years called "Demo Reel". Walker played the role of Donnie, an ambitious filmmaker who makes bad remakes of good movies. The show's premiere episode was one of the worst-rated in Channel Awesome history. Fans decried it as Walker's biggest misfire since "Melvin, Brother of the Joker" and his "Let's Play Bart's Nightmare". They also admonished it for being a thinly-veiled "ripoff" of Michel Gondry's Be Kind Rewind. Responding to the controversy, Walker preempted the upcoming 2nd episode of "Demo Reel" to work longer on making the then-third episode better. This episode (a Thanksgiving take on Wreck-It Ralph) was better-received but still fans cried out for the return of a character they loved.

Surprisingly, on January 22nd, 2013, Walker released a mini-movie that started out like a normal episode of "Demo Reel". Quickly, the video deconstructs the world of "Demo Reel" and cuts to the real-life Walker typing the episode's script. However, Doug has become conflicted. To ease his mind, he opens a package revealing the reviled 2012 Disney film The Odd Life of Timothy Green. After viewing the nonsensical film, Doug is incensed, ranting and raving... just like the Nostalgia Critic. He shrugs it off, but begins calling his friends; asking if he did the right thing in ending the Nostalgia Critic. They each tell him a variation of, "It's your character, do what you want".

But the lines of reality and fiction start to blur as the Nostalgia Critic himself appears to Doug and taunts him:

"Maybe it's like what you said before.... How a character can become so real that they cease being a character. They become ingrained in your mind and you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try. Even to a point where they take on a life of their own.... Isn't that cute? You're nostalgic for the Nostalgia Critic.... Listen to yourself! You got so sick and tired of it that you actually forgot that you enjoyed it. Remember? Every single time you thought you were done with it, you came up with something better. When you had time to think, time to focus, time to put that extra effort in. But you had anniversary movies, conventions, other shows, your own life to live - all while trying to write act and edit a 20-minute video every single week. Face it, buddy: you aren't done yet. You just hit burnout.... Then why don't you just make me go away?"

Eventually, Doug can fight it no longer. He quietly admits he misses the Nostalgia Critic. The Critic finally appears in the flesh and together, the two of them hash out the details of how the show will move forward: one review every two weeks; the Critic can now review whatever film he wants without a cutoff date (previously 2003); and Doug decrees that the Critic's first review will be The Odd Life of Timothy Green. When the Critic asks why, Doug says that it was the film that made him realize that he could still be the Nostalgia Critic and that something terrible could lead to something creative. The two agree and Doug returns to the "Demo Reel" script.

In the world of "Demo Reel", Donnie faces the Plot Hole from To Boldly Flee. The Plot Hole tells him that he is actually the Nostalgia Critic reincarnated in the form of a failed child-actor-turned-filmmaker in order to atone for his countless criticisms against child actors and filmmakers. "Demo Reel" was actually a Purgatory where he was kept without knowledge of his former life. The Critic realizes who he is and complains that he did not deserve this kind of punishment. The Plot Hole tells him although he had to endure much, hopefully he is a little wiser and knows what it is like on the other side of the camera. The Critic wonders what will happen with the Plot Hole without him holding up reality. It is revealed that another has been unwillingly chosen to take his place: the Critic's longtime enemy, Douchey McNitpick. The Critic asks what will happen to the cast of "Demo Reel". They tell him that they belong to the Plot Hole, but that they will be okay and wish him well. The Critic enters the Plot Hole back to his own reality.

The Critic awakens in his normal room, still dressed as Donnie but back to himself. He quickly dresses into his famous hat, coat and unkempt tie, looks in the camera and delivers the line, "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic and I'm back to remember it so you don't have to."

I was certainly taken aback, I would never have guessed that Doug ever had any thought about reviving the Critic. In his official announcement of the retirement of the weekly series, Doug had hinted that the character could always return in one form or another (a TGWTG.com special, for instance). But the all-out Search for Spock resurrection of one of the most beloved Internet characters there are is quite shocking. At the same time, I'm quite happy that he's returned. It wouldn't have been the same without him. I appreciate that it took quite a bit of effort into putting together The Review Must Go On rather just put out a simple announcement video. I quite enjoyed the scenes of Doug and the Critic talking to each other, and I've never seen the Critic creepier.

So now that he's back, he'll obviously need some movies to look at and just before he "bit the dust" in To Boldly Flee, I had a list of requests prepared and quietly pushed to the side. Now that anything's on the table, I figured let's go full-throttle. Here are my Top Nostalgia Critic Requests (in no particular order).

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)


When it comes to movies based on old cartoon characters, the Critic does not have much of a heart towards them from The Flintstones to Mr. Magoo to his previously final review of Scooby-Doo. Yet this film has something none of them do: actor/producer Robert De Niro. As the live-action incarnation of Fearless Leader, De Niro rivals Dennis Hopper's performance of Koopa from the Super Mario Bros. movie in terms of over-the-top acting. Throw in Jason Alexander and Rene Russo as Boris and Natasha, a horrible shoehorned reference to Who Framed Roger Rabbit and dozens of strange celebrity cameos, I can't see how the Critic could resist. Well, Roger Ebert liked it. He hated Footloose (2011) for its supposed lack of humor, but he loves this movie.

Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)


I can't say exactly say why I'm utterly fascinated with this movie. It's not unwatchable by any means, but none of the characters are likable, the plot's extremely flimsy and the romance has no chemistry. I guess it all comes back to the fact that this is John Carpenter, a legend in Hollywood horror, doing a Chevy Chase comedy (or at least what looks like one). Still, the effects are good and I could always see the Critic performing the review invisibly. Plus, why is this not on Blu-Ray?

For more information, check out my review of Memoirs of an Invisible Man.

Osmosis Jones (2001)


I'm not quite sure HOW the Critic missed this one, but this is kinda begging for a review. It's not as beloved or well-known as another Warner Bros. Animation film, The Iron Giant, but it's certainly unforgettable. A movie inside Bill Murray's body. I'm sure the Critic could have some fun with that. Maybe have an animated cell Critic inside him. Another Blu-Ray no-show. Plus the movie's here in its entirety.

For more information, check out my review of Osmosis Jones.

Man on the Moon (1999)


This movie wildly swings from funny and interesting to ridiculously depressing. While I know that the way the real Andy Kaufman died was tragic, I still there could have been a better way of dealing with it without bringing the audience down. The Critic infamous despised Patch Adams. I wonder what he'd think of this biopic.

Snow Day (2000)


Really? Not on Nickelodeon Month? For shame, Critic! You have so many targets here! Chevy Chase, Chris Elliott, a young Emmanuelle Chriqui and the child actors whose career went barely nowhere (except for Zena Grey and Josh Peck). I gotta admit, I like Hoku's "Another Dumb Blonde". What happened to her?

Larger than Life (1996)


Heck, I think the trailer says more than I can. It's like a joke Hollywood pitch that accidentally got greenlit: Bill Murray AND an elephant! What could possibly go wrong? A weirdass Matthew McConaughey performance, for one thing.

Phenomenon (1996)


Unlike most of the other movies on this list, I unabashedly despise this movie. A tumor? He could do all those fantastical things because of a freaking tumor? Why couldn't he have been chosen by aliens or something for a higher intelligence and he doesn't know why? Cause it probably would've tied it MORE to Scientology.

Man of the House (1995)


Hey look, kids! It's Chevy Chase from "Saturday Night Live", Jonathan Taylor Thomas from "Home Improvement", Farrah Fawcett from "Charlie's Angels" and George Wendt from "Cheers"! I saw this movie years ago but I don't quite remember it well other than what's in this trailer and Chevy Chase's car being sabotaged and he nearly drowns in the ocean.

Angels on the Outfield (1994)


I'm not sure if this deserves a whole review on its own or a Old vs. New style review. It's just funny to think back in 1994 the biggest stars of this movie were Danny Glover, Tony Danza and Christopher Lloyd. Today the biggest stars of the movie are Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Adrian Brody and Matthew McConaughey. Just plain odd.

Tom and Huck (1995)


What happened to "N-Word" Jim? Where was he in this movie? Another casualty of the Disneyification of one of the greatest stories of the 20th century. This was back when Disney was trying to make Jonathan Taylor Thomas a thing. Still, I can say nothing against the late Tennessee native Brad Renfro. Decent actor who assuredly had a great future ahead of him and was taken too soon.

I'll Be Home for Christmas (1999)


Here's another Christmas movie that the Critic hasn't reviewed yet. This was Jonathan Taylor Thomas' only starring role as a teenager. And it's one of the first films to star the lovely Jessica Biel aka the newlywed bride of hometown hero Justin Timberlake (I hear they're nice people). She sings this clearly '90s song called "Calling Dr. Jones" that is just so damnably funny in its datedness. Actually, I like Jonathan Taylor Thomas' performance in this film. He's sort of like Diet Michael J. Fox, if that makes any sense.

To sum it all up, I'm glad the Critic is back. It took a while, but finally he's come home.

A Tribute to the Nostalgia Critic

Note: Some of the videos included here might feature foul language. However, the Critic is a pretty uncensorable personality, and I wouldn't want to, especially for first-time viewers. Enjoy! - Zack

He remembered it so we don't have to. We all grew up with bad movies. Some we all know, some we've never seen. Yet he still braved them all, often descending into madness or furious anger. He was the Nostalgia Critic.

In 2007, Doug Walker posted an energetic review of Michael Bay's Transformers. Out of that video came a new character: the Nostalgia Critic. From there, he began producing videos that examined films and TV shows from the early '80s to the early '00s. After YouTube kept pulling down his videos, Walker started his own website titled "That Guy With The Glasses". Other Internet critics - such as the comic-book reading Linkara; the anime-loving JesuOtaku; and the female movie-targeted Nostalgia Chick - soon joined him.

Often, the Critic would be driven to yelling and screaming about something horrible he had just seen. Most notably, his vitriolic reaction to the "Bat Credit Card" in Batman & Robin soon became a running joke throughout his episodes. At conventions, whenever a fan would purposely drop the "Bat Credit Card" line, Walker would scream, jump off the stage and chase after them. All in fun, of course. He would often be vilified by his most obnoxious Internet troll, Douchey McNitpick (also played by Walker), who would bring the Critic to task about mistakes made in his videos.

Then came his yearly specials celebrating the anniversary of the creation of the site. These were mini-movies featuring most of the critics featured on TGWTG.com. It started with 2009's TGWTG Team Brawl, a mindless "Peter vs. the Chicken"-style fight between the Critics of TGWTG and the Angry Video Game Nerd and his crew; 2010's Kickassia, where the Critics took over a small country and 2011's Suburban Knights, where the Critic lead the TGWTG gang on a fantastical journey to find an ancient device that, in the wrong hands, could wreak havoc.

Then came 2012's To Boldly Flee. This was a take on the sci-fi movies we all love. Among the referenced movies were Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, Flight of the Navigator and the Star Wars films. A week before the first video was posted, the Nostalgia Critic released an interesting review of the 2002 live-action Scooby-Doo film. He seemed so destitute and flat-out angry that it actually took him five minutes to start the actual review and he was even joined with his past and future selves. This was something far beyond him just hating a bad movie.

"Is this really life? No! This isn't life! This isn't anything even representing life! But it's life for me! It's pretty pathetic, but it's all I got! I know what you're saying, 'Oh, well, that's pretty sad.' Well, yeah, it is fucking sad! I don't get to go out and hang with friends, I don't even have any friends! I have nobody to contribute anything to, I have nobody to talk to, or bounce things off of, or say, 'Hey, what'd ya think of that?' 'Well, I'll tell ya what I think of that'. No, it's just me. Bitching and moaning like I always do."

The video ended with a nod to the final episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation". We didn't think much at it at the time. We assume everything would be back to normal after To Boldly Flee. Right? He'd always be back. In the final part of To Boldly Flee, the Critic finds himself in our world and meets his creator, Doug Walker. Walker tells him that he's "...literally leapt off the page and taken on a life of [his] own. It became less of me writing [him] what to do and [him] telling me what to write". In the end, the Critic sacrifices himself to save not only his fellow critics but also his reality. Walker announced in a video released the next day that the weekly "Nostalgia Critic" show was finished. He hinted that the character was not dead and would return in one form or another someday.

Of course, I was heartbroken when I heard this. The Nostalgia Critic was something I looked forward to weekly, even if I hadn't seen the movie he was reviewing. The movies that he did get me to watch after seeing his reviews include Howard the Duck (alright, it was Hunter Duesing that finally got me to watch it), Godzilla, Last Action Hero, Suburban Commando ("I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"), The Room, The Thief and the Cobbler and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. In honor of his memory, today I'm gonna run down my Top 11 Favorite Reviews of his. Why Top 11? "Because I like to go one step beyond."

11. Super Mario Bros.


This was a 1993 live-action feature film that had practically nothing to do with the video game it was named after. And boy, did the Critic not let us forget it! He memorably misinterprets the true nature of the Mario brothers. He discusses the "implosion" of Dennis Hopper's career (which, technically, isn't true considering Hopper was still acting up to the point of his death). But it's true that Hopper is clearly not giving any kind of good performance. It is highly disappointing that this film failed at the box office. Nintendo has characters that could so easily work in movies; preferably in animation. Hopefully, Wreck-It Ralph will be Nintendo's wake-up call to join into making animated movies. It's shocking to see the Critic so calm here compared to his later videos (up until the "Mario Mario" sequence).

Favorite line: "Well, for starters, the graphics in the game are actually better than the graphics in the opening; that's strike one. Koopa as a human being instead of a dragon; that's strike two. And two Italian plumbers are played by a British man and a Latino. And that's strike three... Five minutes into this movie and it already has three strikes against it!"

10. Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue


If all your favorite cartoon characters got together, what would you imagine they'd take about? Odds are, whatever you may answer won't be what they do talk about: drugs. We're a long way away from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The Critic delves into this 1990 half-hour PSA against drugs with great relish... until he finds out what they're really there for. He notes at how the special itself is almost like the product of a drug-fevered dream. He does admire the puff of smoke voiced by George C. Scott. This also marks the first time that the Critic has attempted suicide, to no avail. Note: the Critic's trademark tie has yet to be added to his attire.

Favorite line: "Why does Bugs Bunny know what a joint is? Bugs Bunny shouldn't know what a joint is! If Bugs Bunny knows what a joint is, that means he knows what drugs are! If Bugs Bunny knows what drugs are, that means the rest of the Looney Tunes know what drugs are! If the rest of the Looney Tunes know what drugs are, then that explains too... much!"

Honorable mention: "Corey thinks about telling her father, but he's too busy being an alcoholic. And gay. And the Brawny man."

9. Judge Dredd


In the weeks before the highly-anticipated Dredd reboot, we mustn't forget why it exists in the first place: because the first shot from 1995 was chock-full of problems. This is one of the rare movies that the Critic just has fun making jokes about rather than getting upset with. Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider may be the most implausible hero/comic relief in cinema history. I gotta say though, I love that gun that Dredd uses that can essentially do anything (which the Critic gleefully exploits). He points out the decent production design that hardly gets used in the film. It's good to see the Critic NOT hate a film once in a while. Even though Dredd might turn out to be an infinitely better movie than Judge Dredd, it's not worth passing by without seeing at least once.

Favorite line: "(as Dredd) 'I smell desperate comedy.'"

8. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace


This was the first crossover with Linkara, another critic on the site TGWTG.com. He and the Critic have a great banter together, and they're gonna need it to review the absolute worst Superman movie from 1987. Personally, I feel the only two good things worth watching the movie for are the performances of Christopher Reeve and Gene Hackman. Though they're in a terrible movie, it's just good to see them together again. If the annoying Jon Cryer could shut up for a few minutes in the background. I think Reeve misinterpreted what Superman CAN do and not what he SHOULD do. Superman SHOULDN'T be trying to do what only humans should do: rid the world of nuclear weapons (or not). I like the "International Politics" game show they have in the middle of the review. This is probably my favorite crossover that the Critic ever did (and they would later rejoin again to talk about Star Trek Insurrection).

Favorite line: "(as Clark Kent) 'I'd just like to kill you now, Lois.'"

7. Santa Claus: The Movie


From the producers of the Superman films, the origin story of Santa Claus. Featuring the Big Lebowski as Father Christmas, Arthur Bach as his Head Elf and Reverend Shaw Moore as Dr. Evil. It may be bad, but it's real interesting. This 1985 movie has a tad of a depressing opening, but soon it moves out into modern times where we meet our scenery-gnawing villain, B.Z. (John Lithgow). Acting just doesn't describe it. He simply went mad on set and they were fortunate enough to use it within the context of their narrative. It's certainly no an unorthodox movie, but Lithgow's evil laugh kills me every time. I can not watch him with a straight face. The Critic does a fine job of pointing out what's wrong with the film, but also pointing out the dramatic moments he likes.

Favorite line: "'(as Santa) Alaka-child abduction!'"

Honorable mention: "But Lithgow heard that incredibly forced sneeze..."

6. Blank Check


This is one of the movies I did watch growing up, when it was released in 1994. Back then, I didn't know it was a Disney ripoff of Home Alone, and now I can't watch the movie without that in the back of my mind. The Critic points the horribly douchey father (James Rebhorn) of Preston Waters. He also seems to have trouble controlling... himself... whenever Shay (Karen Duffy) is onscreen. The Critic bravely explains why he makes the first posthumous Michael Jackson joke. While I can still enjoy the movie, the Critic makes a few good observations under the guise of teaching a class on how to make a bad, studio-pleasing movie.

Favorite line: "Did the film score just gasp?"

5. The Thief and the Cobbler


The Critic is less angry about this film in particular and more angry about the the great animator, Richard Williams (most famous for his work on Who Framed Roger Rabbit) who was essentially thrown off the very project he was in charge of. He reviews the most-hated version of the film, the 1993 edition altered by Miramax Pictures and which involves the voices of Matthew Broderick and Jonathan Winters. The Critic even gets posthumous phone calls from the voice of the villain of the film, the great Vincent Price (actually voiced by Doug's brother, Rob). Price proves to be a bit of a jerk, toying with the Critic's mind. While I can agree that Broderick's performance is a tad bland, I actually can enjoy Winters' pop culture referencing Thief. The Critic despises this version of the film, but points viewers to the fan-made "Recobbled Cut" which they believe is closer to Williams' version than what we eventually got.

Favorite line: "('Vincent Price') 'One, two, skip a few, fifty!' (BOOM) 'Oh, I love it when I'm nasty.'"

4. The Top 11 F-Ups Trilogy


Alright, I'm aware this is a tad of a cheat, but the Critic has done it himself every once in a while. These are the episodes of the series where Douchey McNitpick (Walker himself) confronts the Critic and his numerous mistakes featured in his videos. Among them are "The secret passageway in Bebe's Kids isn't impossible", "How DARE you make fun of Mako", "That wasn't a Victorian dress in Superman IV", "9+9+9=27", "Don't review the movie if you haven't seen the show", "Soran couldn't fly into the Nexus" and "Let's Play Bart's Nightmare". I'm glad Doug was able to jokingly acknowledge his detractors in a non-offensive way and have some fun in the process.

Favorite line: "Yeah, this is about as embarrassing as it gets. Even simple first-grade math seems to slip my radar sometimes."
3. Good Burger


I can't be too judgmental about this movie, considering its writer actually comes from Memphis, TN (my birthplace). Still, out of all the Nickelodeon shows to get a movie, why a 5-minute sketch from "All That"? Who knows? Anyhow, the Critic despises this film by taking apart the dull main character, Ed (Kel Mitchell) and his unlikely friend Dexter (Kenan Thompson), wondering why Godfather actor Abe Vigoda is in the film and the ridiculous dictatorial nature of the rival burger store manager, Kurt (Jan Schweiterman). Is it bad? Sure, but as a kid raised on '90s Nickelodeon, it's always good to see Kenan & Kel together.

Favorite line: "But how's a frail old man like Abe Vigoda gonna get out of there -- (Vigoda jumps out a window) And that's the last we ever saw of him. (THUMP) (as Vigoda) 'It's ok, I landed on the fat kid!'"

2. Godzilla


What happened to the Critic's beard? In another review, the Critic explains that he lost a bet regarding the 2008 Presidential election with Ask That Guy and Chester A. Bum (both characters played by Walker). In reality, Walker had played the Joker for Halloween and necessity involved a razor. Here, he discusses how the 1998 Roland Emmerich film which placed the world's most well-known movie monster in a new setting. How well could a German director tackle an American feature featuring a Japanese monster? Answer: not well enough. I must admit, the more times I see this movie, I actually don't mind it. Yeah, I know, blasphemy. I just like its mindless action scenes. As a Godzilla movie, yeah it's pretty bad. But so much around it is terribly enjoyable. The Critic does defend his favorite critics, Siskel and Ebert, as they unfairly spoofed within the movie as a sleazy mayor and his dirtbag yes-man. One of the great running gags of the series involved Matthew Broderick saying the line, "That's a lot of fish." The Critic ends by warning viewers not to watch Emmerich's then-current 2012. 

Favorite line: "Okay, wait a minute. Nancy Cartwright, Harry Shearer, Hank Azaria -- Is this just a 'Simpsons' reunion?"

1. The Commercials Trilogy


Alright, alright, I know. This is a huge cheat. But it's my list, go make your own! I love seeing these old commercials (even if I only grew up with a few of them). The first part follows-up on the depression the Critic faced after getting a phone call from the "director" of My Pet Monster and re-examines his life by watching nostalgic commercials; the other two parts are just a return to form. Notable commercials include "Crossfire", "Connect 4", "Transformers", "Hi-C Ecto Cooler", different "Fruity Pebbles", "NERF Arrow Storm" and the "Wunder Boner".

Favorite line: "(regarding the laughable Giggles commercial) Turn the gas off! Turn the gas off!"

Well, that was my Top 11 Favorite Nostalgia Critic Reviews! I hope you enjoyed them and feel free to leave your favorites in the comments below. In conclusion, I again say that I am heartbroken that the Nostalgia Critic is no more, but he left us with a great list of episodes we can look back on. For what is it to critique something nostalgic? That in itself means different things to different people. And perhaps that's why he endured for so long. Doug, if you're reading this, thanks so much for your time and effort and I can't wait to see what you do next.