Wednesday, February 13, 2013

PHENOMENON: This Is Your Brain On Stupid

RETRO REVIEW

Note: SPOILERS! You know the drill. - Zack


I'm gonna go ahead and say it: I flat-out hate Phenomenon. And it actually has nothing to do with John Travolta. I think the guy's a decent actor... in most things (excluding, of course, the inexcusable Old Dogs and Battlefield Earth). For instance, no one but him could play Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction and it's sad that Tarantino never made his "The Vega Brothers" movie with Vic (from Reservoir Dogs) and Vincent. But this shocking schmaltz I'm writing about today -- with a complete cop-out ending -- is pathetic and annoying. To top off the irritation, it's actually directed by a talented guy named Jon Turteltaub -- who made Cool Runnings (widely regarded as one of the most popular and beloved '90s Disney films), While You Were Sleeping (an inoffensive cutesy romance), Disney's The Kid (my review here), the National Treasure films (#1 great, #2 ehh), The Sorcerer's Apprentice (better than it looks) and the upcoming Last Vegas (The Hangover... with old guys). For the first time in a long while, I'm ready to rip into a movie. Won't you join me?


George Malley (John Travolta) is your average, ordinary, everyday car mechanic in the small town of NameNotAnnounced. He pals around with Nate Pope (Forest Whitaker), a guy obsessed with making contact with Diana Ross via CB radio. George has a thing for a local woman named Lace Pinnamin (Kyra Sedgwick), who has two children. He and his friends are out celebrating his 37th birthday at a local bar. He steps outside and sees a bright light that knocks him to the ground. He runs back inside to tell everyone what happened but no one believes him. Within hours, George has been changed. His intelligence has been heightened which allows him to do things he's never been able to before: understand Morse Code, build a better rabbit trap, become fluent in another language and even manages to develop telekinetic abilities. Of course, the townspeople -- with the exception of Doc Brunder (Robert Duvall) -- become frightened by George, despite his insistence that he's still the same guy. Lace and her children soon to begin to warm up to him. At the same time, the US government discovers what George can do and wants to study him. George wants to avoid becoming a freak while pursuing his relationship with Lace. However, the true nature of the origin of George's abilities threatens to tear them apart.


Ok, what's wrong with this flick? For one thing, it's a waste of a decent premise. Charly, a 1968 film starring the late great Cliff Robertson (“Uncle Ben” of Spider-Man fame), featured the titular normal guy with below average intelligence who undergoes an experimental surgery that allows him to expand his mind. In the process, he loses his kindness and becomes an aggressive jerk. The effects of the surgery soon fade and Charly reverts back to his former self. The moral of the story is that no matter what, stay who you are. Phenomenon appears to follow this moral, but the only thing wrong with is that George is TOO nice. He’s not mentally handicapped like Charly was, so you don’t feel any remorse for the character who was lost after the change. One could argue – like Robert Duvall in the film – that George never changed and that the townspeople are treating him differently because of their fears.


Speaking of which, the townspeople are almost a Frankenstein-style “torches and pitchforks” crowd in nature. They’re really not open to somebody experiencing a massive change like this? To a potential breakthrough in science? Well, gosh, why not just set this movie in the South? (Note: I’m from the South, I love the South – except for the slavery and racism, that’s wrong) Frankly, George doesn’t help matters as when he wants to people to accept him, he keeps doing weird stuff. Why not just go out and have a drink like you normally do? Smart people don’t have to ACT smart all the time. They can kick back and relax if they wanted to.


Now I have to get to the thing I despise most about the movie: its ridiculous third act. After George passes out at a meet-and-greet, he wakes up in a hospital. Doc Brunder tells him that the source of all his new abilities is actually a tumor that, for some reason, has been fueling George’s brain power instead of deteriorating it. George realizes it is slowly killing him. George becomes more philosophical, spouting off feel-good nonsense to whoever’s around. He and Lace – of course – get together and he dies in her arms. And that’s the end. Credits roll. Everybody leaves confused and disappointed.


Let me pitch you a better version of Phenomenon. Cause it’s kind of pointless for me to whine and complain about a movie that I think could be redone better. George Malley gains these powers. He, at first, is mystified by them. Then, through practice, he is able to help others in his town – fixing cars with a single touch, becoming a last-minute substitute teacher and helping out local businesses. The townspeople are not sure what to make of it initially. But then, they begin to take advantage of George by having him use his powers for things they can do themselves. Frustrated, he turns to Lace who tells him he needs to go away for a while so the town realizes what life is like without him. Together, they go off and fall in love with each other. When they return, the townspeople are remorseful that they treated him so badly. George does not die but becomes a full-time teacher. Simple, no theoretical bologna. 


Many people believe that Phenomenon is actually somewhat of a Scientology recruiting video. A writer for Entertainment Weekly complied a list of comparisons between the film and a sacred Scientology doctrine. I'm not sure the movie is written well enough to recruit anyone to anything. Other than they might sign up for the nut house. This movie is so dumb. Its characters are either unlikable or annoying, the plot is flimsy at best and resorts to the worst third-act Hail Mary one can think of. I've studied this Phenomenon so you can avoid it. Unless you wanna watch it on YouTube in its entirety for free. You look it up, I'm not posting it here.