The Nostalgia Critic Returns!

Note: SPOILER-- oh, who cares, it's already in the title. Read on. 'Cause this one's a doozy. - Zack

You may remember when I posted about the Nostalgia Critic aka Doug Walker way back in September of last year. I was sad that he was gone, but remained cautiously optimistic about the future of Channel Awesome and grateful for a great library of reviews that can be revisited anytime.

We, like Doug, moved on. He and his brother Rob created a new show that they had wanted to do for years called "Demo Reel". Walker played the role of Donnie, an ambitious filmmaker who makes bad remakes of good movies. The show's premiere episode was one of the worst-rated in Channel Awesome history. Fans decried it as Walker's biggest misfire since "Melvin, Brother of the Joker" and his "Let's Play Bart's Nightmare". They also admonished it for being a thinly-veiled "ripoff" of Michel Gondry's Be Kind Rewind. Responding to the controversy, Walker preempted the upcoming 2nd episode of "Demo Reel" to work longer on making the then-third episode better. This episode (a Thanksgiving take on Wreck-It Ralph) was better-received but still fans cried out for the return of a character they loved.

Surprisingly, on January 22nd, 2013, Walker released a mini-movie that started out like a normal episode of "Demo Reel". Quickly, the video deconstructs the world of "Demo Reel" and cuts to the real-life Walker typing the episode's script. However, Doug has become conflicted. To ease his mind, he opens a package revealing the reviled 2012 Disney film The Odd Life of Timothy Green. After viewing the nonsensical film, Doug is incensed, ranting and raving... just like the Nostalgia Critic. He shrugs it off, but begins calling his friends; asking if he did the right thing in ending the Nostalgia Critic. They each tell him a variation of, "It's your character, do what you want".

But the lines of reality and fiction start to blur as the Nostalgia Critic himself appears to Doug and taunts him:

"Maybe it's like what you said before.... How a character can become so real that they cease being a character. They become ingrained in your mind and you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try. Even to a point where they take on a life of their own.... Isn't that cute? You're nostalgic for the Nostalgia Critic.... Listen to yourself! You got so sick and tired of it that you actually forgot that you enjoyed it. Remember? Every single time you thought you were done with it, you came up with something better. When you had time to think, time to focus, time to put that extra effort in. But you had anniversary movies, conventions, other shows, your own life to live - all while trying to write act and edit a 20-minute video every single week. Face it, buddy: you aren't done yet. You just hit burnout.... Then why don't you just make me go away?"

Eventually, Doug can fight it no longer. He quietly admits he misses the Nostalgia Critic. The Critic finally appears in the flesh and together, the two of them hash out the details of how the show will move forward: one review every two weeks; the Critic can now review whatever film he wants without a cutoff date (previously 2003); and Doug decrees that the Critic's first review will be The Odd Life of Timothy Green. When the Critic asks why, Doug says that it was the film that made him realize that he could still be the Nostalgia Critic and that something terrible could lead to something creative. The two agree and Doug returns to the "Demo Reel" script.

In the world of "Demo Reel", Donnie faces the Plot Hole from To Boldly Flee. The Plot Hole tells him that he is actually the Nostalgia Critic reincarnated in the form of a failed child-actor-turned-filmmaker in order to atone for his countless criticisms against child actors and filmmakers. "Demo Reel" was actually a Purgatory where he was kept without knowledge of his former life. The Critic realizes who he is and complains that he did not deserve this kind of punishment. The Plot Hole tells him although he had to endure much, hopefully he is a little wiser and knows what it is like on the other side of the camera. The Critic wonders what will happen with the Plot Hole without him holding up reality. It is revealed that another has been unwillingly chosen to take his place: the Critic's longtime enemy, Douchey McNitpick. The Critic asks what will happen to the cast of "Demo Reel". They tell him that they belong to the Plot Hole, but that they will be okay and wish him well. The Critic enters the Plot Hole back to his own reality.

The Critic awakens in his normal room, still dressed as Donnie but back to himself. He quickly dresses into his famous hat, coat and unkempt tie, looks in the camera and delivers the line, "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic and I'm back to remember it so you don't have to."

I was certainly taken aback, I would never have guessed that Doug ever had any thought about reviving the Critic. In his official announcement of the retirement of the weekly series, Doug had hinted that the character could always return in one form or another (a TGWTG.com special, for instance). But the all-out Search for Spock resurrection of one of the most beloved Internet characters there are is quite shocking. At the same time, I'm quite happy that he's returned. It wouldn't have been the same without him. I appreciate that it took quite a bit of effort into putting together The Review Must Go On rather just put out a simple announcement video. I quite enjoyed the scenes of Doug and the Critic talking to each other, and I've never seen the Critic creepier.

So now that he's back, he'll obviously need some movies to look at and just before he "bit the dust" in To Boldly Flee, I had a list of requests prepared and quietly pushed to the side. Now that anything's on the table, I figured let's go full-throttle. Here are my Top Nostalgia Critic Requests (in no particular order).

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)


When it comes to movies based on old cartoon characters, the Critic does not have much of a heart towards them from The Flintstones to Mr. Magoo to his previously final review of Scooby-Doo. Yet this film has something none of them do: actor/producer Robert De Niro. As the live-action incarnation of Fearless Leader, De Niro rivals Dennis Hopper's performance of Koopa from the Super Mario Bros. movie in terms of over-the-top acting. Throw in Jason Alexander and Rene Russo as Boris and Natasha, a horrible shoehorned reference to Who Framed Roger Rabbit and dozens of strange celebrity cameos, I can't see how the Critic could resist. Well, Roger Ebert liked it. He hated Footloose (2011) for its supposed lack of humor, but he loves this movie.

Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)


I can't say exactly say why I'm utterly fascinated with this movie. It's not unwatchable by any means, but none of the characters are likable, the plot's extremely flimsy and the romance has no chemistry. I guess it all comes back to the fact that this is John Carpenter, a legend in Hollywood horror, doing a Chevy Chase comedy (or at least what looks like one). Still, the effects are good and I could always see the Critic performing the review invisibly. Plus, why is this not on Blu-Ray?

For more information, check out my review of Memoirs of an Invisible Man.

Osmosis Jones (2001)


I'm not quite sure HOW the Critic missed this one, but this is kinda begging for a review. It's not as beloved or well-known as another Warner Bros. Animation film, The Iron Giant, but it's certainly unforgettable. A movie inside Bill Murray's body. I'm sure the Critic could have some fun with that. Maybe have an animated cell Critic inside him. Another Blu-Ray no-show. Plus the movie's here in its entirety.

For more information, check out my review of Osmosis Jones.

Man on the Moon (1999)


This movie wildly swings from funny and interesting to ridiculously depressing. While I know that the way the real Andy Kaufman died was tragic, I still there could have been a better way of dealing with it without bringing the audience down. The Critic infamous despised Patch Adams. I wonder what he'd think of this biopic.

Snow Day (2000)


Really? Not on Nickelodeon Month? For shame, Critic! You have so many targets here! Chevy Chase, Chris Elliott, a young Emmanuelle Chriqui and the child actors whose career went barely nowhere (except for Zena Grey and Josh Peck). I gotta admit, I like Hoku's "Another Dumb Blonde". What happened to her?

Larger than Life (1996)


Heck, I think the trailer says more than I can. It's like a joke Hollywood pitch that accidentally got greenlit: Bill Murray AND an elephant! What could possibly go wrong? A weirdass Matthew McConaughey performance, for one thing.

Phenomenon (1996)


Unlike most of the other movies on this list, I unabashedly despise this movie. A tumor? He could do all those fantastical things because of a freaking tumor? Why couldn't he have been chosen by aliens or something for a higher intelligence and he doesn't know why? Cause it probably would've tied it MORE to Scientology.

Man of the House (1995)


Hey look, kids! It's Chevy Chase from "Saturday Night Live", Jonathan Taylor Thomas from "Home Improvement", Farrah Fawcett from "Charlie's Angels" and George Wendt from "Cheers"! I saw this movie years ago but I don't quite remember it well other than what's in this trailer and Chevy Chase's car being sabotaged and he nearly drowns in the ocean.

Angels on the Outfield (1994)


I'm not sure if this deserves a whole review on its own or a Old vs. New style review. It's just funny to think back in 1994 the biggest stars of this movie were Danny Glover, Tony Danza and Christopher Lloyd. Today the biggest stars of the movie are Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Adrian Brody and Matthew McConaughey. Just plain odd.

Tom and Huck (1995)


What happened to "N-Word" Jim? Where was he in this movie? Another casualty of the Disneyification of one of the greatest stories of the 20th century. This was back when Disney was trying to make Jonathan Taylor Thomas a thing. Still, I can say nothing against the late Tennessee native Brad Renfro. Decent actor who assuredly had a great future ahead of him and was taken too soon.

I'll Be Home for Christmas (1999)


Here's another Christmas movie that the Critic hasn't reviewed yet. This was Jonathan Taylor Thomas' only starring role as a teenager. And it's one of the first films to star the lovely Jessica Biel aka the newlywed bride of hometown hero Justin Timberlake (I hear they're nice people). She sings this clearly '90s song called "Calling Dr. Jones" that is just so damnably funny in its datedness. Actually, I like Jonathan Taylor Thomas' performance in this film. He's sort of like Diet Michael J. Fox, if that makes any sense.

To sum it all up, I'm glad the Critic is back. It took a while, but finally he's come home.

THE LAST STAND: Arnold's Back

In 2003, movie fans were stunned to hear that one of the great movie stars, Arnold Schwarzenegger, had announced his candidacy for governor of California. In the past, he had conquered killer robots from the future, kindergartners, terrorists, a self-aware movie villain, an insane mailman and even the Devil himself. How was he going to fare against immigration laws and tax reforms?

Schwarzenegger left the film business with his last starring role in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines and a brief cameo in The Rundown in which he tells wrestling star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to, "Have fun". While Schwarzenegger was in office, Johnson appeared to follow his advice and have an Arnold-like career balancing balls-to-the-wall action movies like Walking Tall and cutesy comedies like Tooth Fairy (which ironically had been offered to Arnold years before). Terminator Salvation moved forward without Schwarzenegger, outside of his granting permission to use his likeness for a CG model Terminator. Soon, an old friend, Sylvester Stallone, made a call to Arnold to ask him to film for one day on his action movie star extravaganza, The Expendables. Arnold agreed and his cameo was one of the highlights of the film.

Acting had finally caught up to Schwarzenegger just as he was leaving office. Stallone once again asked him to return for a larger role in The Expendables 2. Arnold began reading scripts again, considering new sequels to his old films, new films, and a cartoon series as the superhero "The Governator". However, personal issues in Schwarzenegger's home life (notable enough that I don't have to or want to get into them) led to these projects being abandoned. All but one, perhaps fittingly titled: The Last Stand.


All Sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger) wanted was a quiet weekend off-duty from protecting the small border town of Sommerton, Arizona. However, he soon learns that the wanted head of a major drug cartel, Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega), has escaped federal custody and is speeding towards Mexico with a hostage in tow. The FBI agent in charge of the investigation, John Bannister (Forest Whitaker), advises Owens to stay away from the situation. However, Owens - ever dedicated to his townspeople - defies Bannister and puts together a squad of deputies to help him fend off the coming kingpin: ex-couple Frank Martinez (Rodrigo Santoro) and Sarah Torrance (Jaimie Alexander); the loyal Mike Figuerola (Luis Guzman); and the gun-crazy Lewis Dinkum (Johnny Knoxville), who donates his gun collection to even the odds. Even with the added firepower, can Owens go head-to-head against a younger, more deadly enemy and emerge victorious?

It's safe to say: Arnold Schwarzenegger is back (in case you're wondering, the closest he comes to "I'll be back" is an offhand "I'll be right back", but it has to be there somewhere, right?). He clearly wanted his first starring role in a decade to be the perfect welcome home to the big screen and, at the same time, a calling card for a new generation. I'll be happy if Schwarzenegger does continue to pick roles that suit his age rather than the other way around. Returning as Conan does sound admittedly interesting (considering it's post-reboot), but it has to be done right. Interesting to note, I think this is the first Arnold film where his character admits that he's an immigrant. But his name is Ray Owens? Nothing European-sounding?

The supporting cast does well, but it's so clearly Arnold's show that they have a tendency to get injured more often by the bad guys. While I do like Johnny Knoxville, his co-star billing on the poster is arguably dubious as he's only in about 40% of the movie. Still, he doesn't mug to the camera as, say, Rob Schneider would. He's great comic foil to the rest of the group. Luis Guzman impressed me, playing his character with understandable nervousness yet rising to the occasion when his town is in trouble. Jaimie Alexander, best known for her role as Lady Sif in Thor, is a welcome sight but we're never given a lot of backstory to her and her ex-boyfriend, Rodrigo Santoro and it does distract. Forest Whitaker as the stressed-out FBI agent has an issue of saying "the f-word" to the point where its laughable. Still, as the only Oscar winner of the cast, he's decent and unoffensive.

Arnold's long-awaited return to the silver screen is a lot of fun. Good car chases, bloody explosions and lots and lots of guns. Just like a good Schwarzenegger film should be. I like that it all takes place in a small town, where the scale of the action can be bigger than the area surrounding it. I'm glad he's back for good this time.